


The Bed You Made

by Meri



Category: Harry Potter - Rowling
Genre: AU, Gen, Post-War
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-09-12
Updated: 2010-09-12
Packaged: 2017-10-11 16:41:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 27,522
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/114474
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Meri/pseuds/Meri
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry is cursed.  And when it's all over, he's left to deal with the aftermath.  He gets some help from an unlikely source.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Bed You Made

**Author's Note:**

> **Disclaimer:** I completely acknowledge that JKR created this world and everything in it and that I'm using it without her permission. I'm sure she'd be horrified.   
> ** Note 1:** Written for the 2009 Snarry Games. Team Snitch. Genre: Mentor. Prompts: Pride &amp; Prejudice and Consequences  
> ** Note 2:** I had a lot of help with this story in its many iterations. So, many thanks to: Regan_V, Beth H, Suzan, Leela_Cat, Florahart and Raewhit. All mistakes after their hard work are all my own.

Prologue

Snape glanced at those gathered around the Headmistress' conference table. McGonagall's face was impassive, but Snape's long experience with her told him she was angry. Molly and Arthur Weasley looked saddened, angry and resigned. The rest of the staff present -- Madam Pomfrey, Filius Flitwick and Yolanda Hooch -- all exhibited various degrees of anger and disbelief. Snape himself was furious. But not at the subject of their meeting.

"All right. Let me recap, if I may," Snape said in his most conversational tone.

McGonagall's expression changed to surprise, probably that Snape was going to comment at all. The only reason he'd been included was that he was Head of House for one of the participants in this little drama. "As you please, Severus."

"Mr. Potter has been quite the recalcitrant young man these last months. He has had carnal relations with, in no particular order: Miss Granger, Miss Weasley, Miss Bones, Miss Patel, Miss Parkinson, Miss Bulstrode, as well as half the other sixth and seventh year females. And, in doing so, has managed to get Miss Weasley pregnant."

Molly Weasley stifled a sob, and Arthur patted her hand.

Ignoring it, Snape continued, "He has also got into fist fights with, again in no particular order: Mr. Weasley, Mr. Thomas, Mr. Smith, and Mr. Malfoy, who is currently recovering in the infirmary." Snape looked over at Madam Pomfrey, who looked down, but nodded.

"And," Snape continued, "our young Mr. Potter is failing all of his classes, which is hardly surprising, since he rarely bothers to show up and when he does deign to honor us with his presence, he doesn't pay attention to a word that is said. In short, our hero has utterly ruined himself."

The rest of the professors nodded. And no one was looking at Snape.

"No one thought to do anything about the situation until it had reached a critical point. Until he was beyond help. What were you thinking?" Snape sneered. He hated this kind of spectacle, and he hated that it was he who had to point this out to the nitwits around the table.

"Severus," McGonagall said, a definite tone of warning in her voice. "We hoped things would improve."

"What utter and complete rot," Snape spat out. "Nothing has _improved_. Indeed, things could not be much worse, now could they?"

"There's no real choice here." McGonagall had a note of real regret in her voice. "He should at least be suspended for a term."

Most days, Snape liked and respected McGonagall. Not today, however. "I believe that is my line. I've been saying that for years."

"So, you agree then?" she asked, looking relieved that Snape wasn't going to challenge her.

Snape smiled coldly. "No. Not in the slightest."

Everyone was looking at him now. He glared back at them, his fury rising. "Are you so blind, so caught in your own little drama, that you can't see a cry for help when you fall over it?"

"Severus--"

"Do not _Severus_ me, Headmistress. I can't stand that boy, but even I can see this is not normal behavior for him. I'm shocked that no one else has noticed." Snape breathed out, not even bothering to hide his anger. They were all such fools.

"We hoped he'd settle down once school was in session for a while--" McGonagall did not meet his eyes.

"The Autumn term is nearly over." Snape folded his arms across his chest. "Dear Merlin, what a sanctimonious lot you are. You've used him for years, and now when he needs help, you're going to sweep him out with the rubbish --"

"Why do you even care?" Molly Weasley's tone was nearly as outraged as his. She of all people, Snape supposed, had a slightly more legitimate grievance against the boy. "You've said yourself, you can't stand Harry."

"I can't. However, I am grateful to him. Grateful and beholden. And unlike the rest of you, I wish to pay my debt to him and be done with it."

When Potter had finally vanquished the Dark Lord, Snape had been surprised to find himself more or less alive. After he'd recovered from the snake bite -- which took weeks -- Snape was arrested, and expected to spend the rest of his life in Azkaban paying for his crimes.

Never knowing when to leave well enough alone, Potter had testified before the Wizengamot, convincing them that Snape was working for Dumbledore the whole time. And then had seen to it that the public saw the events -- and Snape -- in a positive light.

As unlikely as it sounded, Snape had got that long-awaited Order of Merlin, albeit Second Class, and McGonagall had been pleased to offer him the Defense position for this year. He now was within striking distance of breaking the Riddle curse. His life had gone on much more smoothly than he'd had any right to expect it would.

"The Wizarding world can never completely pay its debt to Harry Potter." Sprout had the grace to look uncomfortable as she said it.

"Quite true," Hooch agreed, nodded. "However, he --"

"He has to have been injured in some manner. It's the only possible explanation for his behavior," Snape said. These morons were too stupid or too entrenched in their own dramas to even look beyond what they could clearly see. It was revolting.

"How? He wasn't with You Know...Voldemort for that long and no one said anything about him being hexed. Unless it was the Avada Kedavra, which doesn't make sense." Arthur scratched his head. "Could _he_ have done something in that time?"

Snape closed his eyes for a moment. "It might not have been Voldemort at all --"

"Then who?" Arthur asked.

"He's had at least two run-ins with renegade Death Eaters that I know about this summer," McGonagall said.

Molly nodded. "I heard Ron and him talking about an encounter when they went to get their books for school this year. He was acting normally before that."

"Well, as normally as Potter ever acts," Snape put in.

"Still, if he were hexed, someone should have noticed, or done something," Arthur said angrily.

"Be that as it may," McGonagall said, still looking resigned and not a little bit guilty. "We must decide what to do about Mr. Potter. I don't wish to expel him, but --"

"But you will," Snape finished.

"Unless you have a better suggestion," McGonagall said, her expression turning hopeful.

Snape sighed. He'd expected this when he'd started. "I want free rein to do as I please." Snape looked around the table at their shocked faces. "In writing."

McGonagall cleared her throat. "All right. What do you plan to do?"

"Scare him. And if that doesn't work, beat the truth out of him." Snape said it as if it would be a pleasure. But it wouldn't. He might have dreamed of punishing Potter as he deserved to be punished, but he suspected the Harry Potter he was going to deal with wouldn't be the same boy.

Molly Weasley made a choking sound and clutched Arthur's hand. "You wouldn't."

He met her eyes. "Oh, but I would. And what's more, you'll all let me."

She looked away. They all did.

*****

"You wanted to see me?" Potter came into his office without bothering to knock. "About what?" He didn't even look at Snape, seemingly focused on a point on the wall behind him.

Snape bit back a sigh of impatience. "Close the door and sit down."

"I've got Quidditch practice in about ten minutes. Can you make this quick?" Potter stood there, his broom in his hand, not closing the door.

"I said, come in and close the door," Snape ordered, his tone hard. There was no room for compassion, and certainly not for Potter. But the boy looked a dreadful mess. Dark rings under his eyes, and his normally uncontrollable hair lay flat against his head, filthy. He was thinner than Snape had ever seen him, wraith-like, as if he would blow away in a stiff breeze. Snape could honestly say he no longer looked at all like his father. Indeed, he looked worse than any student Snape had seen pass through the school. How had they missed this for so long? He had been as negligent as the rest, but at least he had the excuse of not being expected to care about Potter.

For a long moment, Potter looked as if he were actually considering whether or not to obey Snape's order. Potter held his gaze for a moment and then sighed. He set down his broom and closed the door. He did not, however, sit down.

Snape pointed to the sofa. Potter sighed again and sat down.

"Now," Snape said, standing near him so that he'd have to look up. "I'd like to know what is bothering you."

"You mean, aside from being late for Quidditch practice?" Potter's tone was purposefully insolent, as if he were trying to provoke Snape, which admittedly wasn't hard for Potter to do, but this time, Snape was not going to be distracted.

"Yes, you moron, aside from Quidditch."

That had clearly not been the correct way to start. He could see Potter pull in on himself, or rather, pull in further. "I don't know what you mean."

"Does failing all of your classes mean nothing to you?"

Potter shrugged.

Snape tried to keep a hold on his temper. He'd expected nothing less. "What happened when you surrendered yourself to Voldemort before the final battle?"

At Potter's blank stare, Snape sighed and tried again. "Did he hex you?"

"Other than Avada Kedavra? No."

"What about your other encounters with Death Eaters this summer?"

Potter looked up at him and blinked, confusion crossing his insolent face. "What is this about?"

Snape stared at him, and Potter just looked back. It was almost as if he weren't there. Which annoyed Snape even more. "You're about to be expelled. You do realize that, don't you?"

Again, Potter just sat there. He honestly looked as if he could not be arsed to care. "I should get to practice if it's going to be my last one."

Even knowing that Potter was trying to provoke him didn't stop Snape's annoyance. He gritted his teeth against the words he wanted to use to flay Potter alive. "I think not. I think we'll have a bit of a talk."

"Whatever," Potter said, without inflection. His attention was obviously somewhere else.

Maybe he could scare the reckless fool. Snape went to his desk and picked up a cane. He'd had to borrow it from Filch's collection, and that conversation did not bear thinking about.

"Do you know what this is?" Snape ran his hand over it.

"No. What is it?" Potter's tone was casual. Too casual.

"It's a cane. It's used to beat boys when they've been disobedient." Snape smiled at him. "I'm going to use it on you."

"Are you?" There should have been at least a flicker of fear. There should have been some reaction other than a raised eyebrow. "What would the Headmistress have to say about that?"

"I have her permission."

"Do you?" The insolent boy still looked as if he couldn't be bothered to care one way or another. There was no fear.

"Yes. I do. Come over here." Snape brought the cane down on his desk sharply, making sure it sang through the air before impact.

All Potter did was blink at the sudden noise. He wasn't afraid. Which said far too much about the shape the boy was in.

He dropped the cane on the desk. This wasn't going to work. Annoyed, he took a seat beside Potter, and took hold of Potter's chin, forcing him to meet his eyes. "_Legilimens!_" With all the power Snape could bring to bear, he pushed his way into Potter's mind before Potter could erect any kind of barrier to stop him.

They both gasped.

Potter put up no resistance, not that he could have. His mind was in bloody tatters. Hanging in long strips of red and white streamers. It looked like a slaughterhouse gone mad. There were no memories, no images, nothing but blood and gore and pulsing walls.

There in the center of the blood was a black void with a stinger not unlike that of a giant spider. It stabbed into the soft flesh of Potter's mind over and over, blood erupting from each strike until it slowed to a trickle, and then the creature moved on to a fresh site. The old wounds bled sluggishly, oozing red and white onto the surface.

Until that moment, Snape would not have believed it possible for someone to live with the kind of pain that had to be coursing through Potter. The only reason he believed it now was that Potter was alive. If he could call it that.

And yet, a simple _Finite Incantatem_ banished the curse, which lent credence to it not being Voldemort. Unfortunately, the damage that had been done to Potter's mind would not be so easily dealt with.

Summoning as much of his magical power as he could, Snape sent healing energy into the worst of the wounds. He would not be able to heal all of it. That would take a trained healer, but he could help. Anything would help, he supposed. How had Potter lived with this? How had he survived such devastation? Snape felt more sympathy for Potter in that moment than he'd felt for any being he'd ever met. No one should have to live with the kind of pain that Potter had to have been in.

How could they all have not noticed? How could they have allowed someone under their care to be in such pain and not cared? It was a wonder Potter hadn't taken his own life. Though, Snape conceded, he'd just about destroyed the one he had.

When he'd finally expended all of the energy he could spare, and maybe a bit more than that, he pulled out of Potter's mind as gently as he could. He had to take several deep breaths before he could even open his eyes.

Potter stared back at him, his eyes huge and wet. "Thank you," he whispered, his eyes closing as he put his head on Snape's shoulder. Without thinking too hard about it, Snape put an arm around his shoulder. Potter went slack against him.

*****  
Part 1

 

Harry opened his eyes, and then closed them again. Too bright. His head hurt. He was in the infirmary again? Why?

Flashes of memory…Snape threatening him…he hadn't cared that Snape might carry through on it. The roar in his mind so great that nothing penetrated the sound. The…he didn't have a word for what it was, and only now could he understand that it shouldn't have been there…shouldn't have been like that.

Snape had done something. Made it better somehow. Harry had never felt a release like that in his life. Not from anything. Not sex. Not the cessation of Cruciatus. Not anything. Ever.

He shuddered again. There was nothing he could ever do to repay Snape for what he'd done for him. Before this, he'd owed Snape more than he could ever repay. Now, now the debt was so huge he couldn't begin to approach it.

"Harry?" Hermione's voice cut through his thoughts.

He turned his head and immediately regretted it. The headache flared for a moment and then subsided. And he was sore. That made no sense. "Hermione? Ron?"

Both of them were sitting at his bedside.

"We're glad you're finally awake, mate." Ron's voice sounded strained, as if he didn't quite mean what he was saying or perhaps that something else was wrong.

Harry wondered what else could be wrong. He'd only been awake for a moment. Another barrage of images flooded his mind in vivid color. Picking fights. With Ron, and Dean, and…Malfoy. What had he been thinking?

Oh, yes. He hadn't been.

And that wasn't the worst of it either. He'd…oh Christ…he'd slept with so many of the girls in his class. Hermione. Oh God. No. He blinked, hoping he was wrong. But the image stayed with him, and he knew it was true. What had he done? Why had she let him?

Harry closed his eyes again and fought down the blush he knew was threatening. "Why am I here?"

"What do you remember? Do you remember Professor Snape healing your mind?" Hermione's tone was quite matter-of-fact. Almost normal.

Harry nodded. He remembered everything he'd done over the term and what had been done to him. "How bad?"

"You were in pretty bad shape, even after Snape finished working on you." Ron's expression was cool, but his tone was slightly friendlier.

"It took several days for the healers who came here to fix the damage," Hermione said.

"Came here?" Harry asked.

"Yeah, mate. They brought three healers in from St. Mungo's to fix you up."

"I thought Snape fixed most of it." Because when Snape was done, he'd felt so much better. Surely there couldn't have been that much more damage.

Hermione shook her head. "No. Professor Snape could only do so much. He healed some of the most serious damage, but he couldn't do more than that, even as powerful as he is."

"Serious damage? What else was there?" Given the look on Hermione's face, Harry was suddenly afraid of the answer.

"Someone cursed you. Pretty badly, to judge from what everyone else said. You had to have been in a tremendous amount of pain." Ron seemed to be trying to convince himself of this as well as Harry.

"It didn't feel like pain so much as…noise. I couldn't concentrate at all. It was like trying to listen to something when the train whistle was blowing really loudly. I didn't understand what was going on." Harry ran a hand through his hair, noting absently that it was clean.

"Why didn't you say something to someone?" Hermione looked like she was trying very hard not to be judgmental. She didn't quite make it.

"I didn't know there was a problem --"

"How could you not have known?" Ron's face had a slight reddish tint to it, but he'd pulled his tone back halfway through the question.

"Because I didn't. I knew I wasn't sleeping and that I couldn't concentrate, but that's all I knew." How could he tell them that he hadn't recognized that he'd been hurt? It made no sense looking at it now, but he hadn't known.

"Everyone else saw the problem." Ron looked down at his clenched hands.

"Someone should have mentioned it to me," Harry quipped, forcing back his anger. Someone should have helped him.

Ron's face turned completely red. "We tried. You wouldn't let anyone near you. Well, not me, anyway."

Hermione looked away. But it was clear that she was hiding something from Ron. He had really screwed it up this time, hadn't he?

"You didn't try hard enough," Harry said. But he hadn't been in any kind of place where he would have listened.

"We thought you'd settle down. That the change in behavior came from killing You Know…Voldemort. That you'd be okay in a while," Hermione finally said.

Closing his eyes, Harry concentrated on breathing in and out a couple of times before he trusted himself to speak. "It wasn't your fault. But someone should have said something. I can't believe how long this was allowed to go on."

They nodded in concert.

Ron cleared his throat. "Ginny's pregnant."

A rush of emotion -- shock, fear, horror, regret flooded Harry. It was almost more than he could process at one time. God, Ginny. An image of her crying when she'd broken up with him came to Harry, and he wondered if it were true. "I'm so sorry." He paused and then forced himself to ask, "What are our options?"

"You have none," Ron said adamantly. "You're responsible. You'll do what she wants."

That sounded fair to Harry since he'd been the one to get her in the position she was in. "What is she going to do?"

"She's going to pod it. And of course it will go up for adoption." Ron seemed to think that Harry knew what he was talking about.

Of course, he had no idea. "What? How? Isn't it hers? How can she do that?"

Ron looked absolutely horrified. "It's not hers. You're responsible."

Harry's temper was starting to fray. "I know I'm responsible --"

"It's not like it is in the Muggle world. Here the boy is responsible for making sure that the girl doesn't get pregnant." Hermione sounded both approving and as if Harry should have known about this expectation.

"I know that. We were taught it in every health class since first year." He wasn't one hundred percent sure he knew what that meant in terms of what was going to be expected of him now.

"You're still thinking that the girl is in some kind of trouble when it happens. It's the boy who is in trouble. He's the one who did it to the girl. She's as much a victim as the baby. The boy is to blame."

Harry got that part. "What happens now?"

"You're lucky. Even a few generations ago, if a boy were to get a witch pregnant, the boy would be expected to leave school and finish at night," Hermione said.

"Why would they make him leave school? I mean, if the girl was pregnant, then why would the boy leave school?" Harry felt like he was missing a huge part of this discussion. But then, anything having to do with Wizarding culture that didn't directly relate to his schooling was still largely a mystery to him.

Ron looked at him as if he were mad. "A boy who gets a girl pregnant is ruined. No one will want to have anything to do with him."

"What?" Harry didn't understand that at all. "How can I be ruined? And you didn't explain what a pod is."

Hermione straightened her shoulders. "The pod is where the fetus is transferred and where it will grow to term."

"You mean, Ginny isn't going to carry it?" Harry didn't understand how she could not.

"Of course not. She wouldn't want to have a child at her age. Neither would you." Ron seemed to be harping on that, and Harry didn't quite get why.

No, Harry didn't want to have a child at his age. But it looked as if he wasn't going to get a choice. "I'm responsible. But what does that have to do with the pod?"

Ron sighed and looked at Hermione, who continued, "Ginny will transfer, or maybe has transferred, the fetus to a pod. At seventeen, she's not going to carry a child. It has to go up for adoption."

Harry's head was starting to pound again and he winced, putting a hand on his brow. Adoption? "God…no."

"Should I get Madam Pomfrey?" Hermione looked at him, clearly concerned.

Harry shook his head, the pain already fading as he relaxed. "I'm okay. What about Ginny?"

Ron opened his mouth, but Hermione put a hand on his arm and shook her head. "Nothing is going to happen to Ginny. She's upset, of course, but she's trying to understand what happened. I think she'll be fine. Eventually."

"She is going to walk away from this?" Harry couldn't believe she'd just leave her baby to someone else.

"Once the transfer happens, she has nothing more to do with the fetus." Ron sounded like he approved of that.

"But--"

"There are no buts, Harry. This is how it works here. If Ginny doesn't want to get married -- and at her age it's no surprise that she doesn't -- then someone has to take care of the pod," Hermione said matter-of-factly.

"But --"

"That's not all." Hermione's tone and expression were ominous.

How much worse could things get? A shiver of dread went through him. "What else?"

"What you've done is beyond the pale. If you weren't you, Harry Potter, your reputation would be destroyed completely. Even now, there are a lot of people at school who aren't going to talk to you anymore." Hermione managed a sympathetic look, but it was fairly obvious that she was still pretty upset with him.

Given everything, that shouldn't have been a surprise. "I don't understand why."

"You're responsible for getting a witch pregnant. For a Wizarding child being born from a pod." Ron said it as if that meant something to him. As if it were something he should have known.

"That I understand. I'm sorry. When will…the baby be born?"

Hermione shook her head. "I'm not sure. I think it will be after exams, possibly in the summer."

"Actually, as I understand it, pod children can come early. And there's more of a chance that something will go wrong inside the pod, before they become viable." Ron looked angry again.

And Harry still felt like he was missing something important. But he had no idea how or what to ask.

Ron looked at his watch and stood up. "We should go. McGonagall said she'd be here at three and it's almost that now."

"All right. We'll see you later, Harry." Hermione smiled at him and stood next to Ron.

"Hermione," Harry said as she started to move away. "Can I talk to you for a minute?"

Ron looked like he might protest, but when Hermione put a hand on his arm and nodded, he conceded, "I'll wait for you outside."

She sat back down, looking more than a bit uncomfortable.

"I just wanted…" He took a breath and mentally steeled himself. "I just wanted to say I'm sorry. For…."

"It's okay." She was lying because clearly, it wasn't okay at all. "I did say yes."

"I know. But I also remember that I pushed you." And he had pushed. Hard. But somewhere in the noise in his mind, he'd fixated on the idea that Hermione could help him. That hadn't been the way to go about getting the help. He felt like crap about it. "I wish I had an excuse--"

"You do. I'm fine about what happened. Really." She was still lying. And that hurt, too. He wished there was a way for him to fix what'd happened.

He was grateful that she was even talking to him. By all rights, she shouldn't want anything to do with him. He'd taken something from her, something she might not have, probably hadn't wanted to give. And had only done so out of friendship and love. "It's just that the only thing I could feel past the noise --"

"Was strong sensations, like sex or pain or drugs," Hermione said, just a bit of understanding in her face and in her voice. It gave Harry some hope.

"Yeah." Harry shuddered, grateful beyond words that drugs had never occurred to him as a way to drown out the noise.

"It will be okay, Harry, really. But--"

"What? What can I do?" He would do anything at this point to have her not looking at him the way she was.

Hermione glanced down, and her cheeks tinted. "It's just going to take a while. Everyone is pretty upset. I'm pretty upset."

He hated that he'd hurt Hermione. Hated that he'd done it without control. He deserved whatever punishment he got. "From what you've said, I think that's an understatement."

Hermione nodded.

"Will Ginny talk to me?" Harry wanted to apologize to her, too.

"Not yet. This hasn't been easy for her."

Harry understood. He did. Before he could say anything else, McGonagall came through the door at the end of the ward.

"I should go now," Hermione said, standing.

"Does Ron know?" Harry asked. It hadn't seemed like he did, but she might have told him for some reason.

Hermione shook her head. "I didn't want to...."

That was a relief. "Yeah. Thanks. I'll see you later. And I'm --"

"I know." She cut him off and then smiled. "It will be okay."

Harry wasn't sure about that. In fact, he was pretty sure that it wouldn't be.

*****

"Harry, how are you feeling?" McGonagall sat down in the chair that Hermione had vacated.

"I'm fine, Headmistress." Harry didn't bother to elaborate. McGonagall probably knew better than he did. And he was sure that she had more to say than simply inquiring about his health.

Thankfully, McGonagall did not keep him waiting. Her smile faded completely. "I don't mind telling you that you've created quite a situation."

"So I've heard. I'm sorry."

"It's as much our fault for not noticing the greater problem. However," McGonagall paused and looked right at Harry.

His heart started to pound.

"You're not going to walk away without some fairly severe repercussions. I wish there was something I could do to help you, but there isn't. And I'm sorry."

Part of Harry wanted to protest that it wasn't fair to blame him, but instead he kept his mouth shut, and waited for McGonagall to continue.

"I'm afraid that the demands on your time to catch up with your class are going to be so great that it will preclude you from most, if not all, extracurricular activities."

"No Quidditch?" Well, he supposed he could live without it.

"Nor the D.A. nor anything else. I'm afraid that you're simply not going to have time for anything else."

"What exactly is the pod? I mean, I know that the fetus was transferred to it, but I don't understand what it is." This was definitely one of those times when he felt like he was only getting half the story. He'd gone into too many situations without all the information he needed and had had to figure out the rest by himself.

"The pod is a magical environment that the fetus is put into so that it can grow to viability. As it grows, it can sense something of the world around it. It needs to know that its parents care for him or her. Otherwise, it will die."

"How do I accomplish that? I mean, how will it know I'm there for it?"

"You won't be doing anything of the sort. However, someone will need to be in physical proximity to it. At first, it won't be very big. Simply touching or holding it a few hours every day will suffice."

"I could do that. Study with it." He could even take it to class with him. Maybe charm his pack to resist hexes and such.

But McGonagall was shaking her head. "As I said, you won't be keeping it."

"What? I thought I was responsible for it."

"You're responsible for getting a witch pregnant. The pod is too precious to trust to a child."

Harry's blood pressure hit critical. Instead of starting to scream, which was really what he wanted to do, he took a breath. "I am not a child. And why can't I keep it. It's mine, isn't it?"

She looked at him as if he were mad to be arguing with her. "You won't have the time to deal with the pod and to go to class."

"I could leave school. I can't just give away my child." He was not going to abandon his child. He couldn't really think of it in the abstract. "What does the pod look like? How big is it?"

"You won't be giving it away, the pod will be adopted by someone who wants a child," McGonagall said. "Someone who will be able to take care of it the way a pod needs to be taken care of."

"I can do that." He'd been taking care of himself for years. And he could damned well take care of his own child.

"Harry, I'm sure you mean well." Her tone was condescending. "But you have to understand that you can't just keep it."

Harry hated that tone. After all these years of knowing him, he couldn't believe McGonagall had no clue about what was important to him. "It's my child."

"It deserves parents who love it. Who will take care of it. A pod requires a tremendous amount of time and effort. You can't give it that kind of effort." She was trying to convince him.

Okay. Maybe she was presenting it this way because she wanted to force his choice. "You can't just take my child away from me, can you? I have to agree. I probably have to sign something, don't I?"

Her eyes narrowed. "You will give it up for adoption."

Harry slowly shook his head. "No. I will not. I'm keeping it."

"What if I said you'd have to leave school?" She folded her arms over her chest.

"I think I've already said I was willing to do that. And you know as well as anyone, I have the means to keep us both." He glared at her. "Besides, what would the papers say if the Savoir of the Wizarding world was thrown out of school over this?"

If she demanded that he agree to an adoption as the price of staying in school, they were done here. Never, ever, ever could he even consider abandoning his own child. "What does it look like now?" Harry asked.

She breathed out, her cheeks still red. But it was clear she knew she'd lost this round. "It looks rather like a large opaque egg."

"So, I can carry it around with me."

"You'll need to see Madam Pomfrey about the arrangements. Sooner rather than later, as she is keeping the pod company for you." McGonagall's tone was still outraged.

Harry was sorry about that, but he was going to do what was right, whether she agreed or not. "I'll see her as soon as she releases me."

"And don't forget that you need to catch up with your class."

There was a lot he had to do. But he was going to do it. "How am I going to do that?"

She was silent for a moment, still considering, he supposed. But after a second or two, she sighed. "Some of your teachers have agreed to tutor you at night during the coming term. Professors Sprout, Slughorn, and Snape will be staying at school during the holidays and are willing to give you a portion of their time, helping you to catch up."

"Thanks. What about Charms?" Harry asked. It was his worst subject this year. Of course, not being able to concentrate had a lot to do with that.

"Professor Flitwick will be going on holiday, but Mr. Malfoy has been asked to tutor you for the two weeks of the break."

"Malfoy," Harry choked. Even if Malfoy had been unable to kill Dumbledore, and hadn't given them away when they'd been captured, he was still the biggest git Harry knew. The thought of spending any time with him made Harry's stomach turn sour.

"He's quite talented at charms." McGonagall's tone brooked no arguments.

Not that he'd argue with her anyway. "Yes, Headmistress."

McGonagall met his eyes again. "You've got quite the challenge ahead of you."

Considering some of the challenges he'd face in the past, this couldn't be worse than walking out to die last year. "It's not that I'm not grateful for everyone's consideration, but --"

"Harry, I don't think you realize the seriousness of what you're going to attempt to do." She shook head. "It just isn't done."

"I do, Headmistress. But I can't imagine I'm the first one to have got a witch pregnant." Though to be honest, Harry had never heard of it happening before.

She folded her arms over her chest. "No. But it hasn't happened since your first year."

Now that she'd mentioned it, Harry vaguely remembered a Ravenclaw boy and a Slytherin girl. "Marc Evans and Julliette…."

"Simpson. I'm surprised you remember. She didn't wish to keep it, and he left school because of the scandal. He did return the following year to sit his N.E.W.T.S. but it was still hard for him to find a job." It was clear how McGonagall felt about that.

She pinned him with a sharp look. "Children in our society are cherished. Their magical abilities are nurtured from before their birth. We teach you to have respect for that. We teach everyone the charms to prevent unwanted pregnancy, and teach all girls to require them," McGonagall said. Her tone said clearly that Harry should know all of this.

He remembered all the lectures.

McGonagall wasn't finished. "Any girl having relations will know how to cast the charm on the boy herself, rather than risk becoming pregnant. Many will ask that the charm be cast in their presence. I'm sure Miss Weasley asked you. It's a boy's responsibility --"

"Wait. Why is it the boy who is responsible?" This had been bothering him since people first had started talking about it. "Shouldn't both the boy and the girl be responsible equally?"

McGonagall looked like he'd slapped her.

"I mean," Harry stammered. "I didn't do this by myself."

"In this society," McGonagall said, haughtily, "it is the boy who initiates the contact, no matter what it is. The boy who does all the asking. A girl may say no or yes, but she does not ask. In the generations before this one, only girls from the lowest social strata would even consider asking a boy out on a date, let alone anything else." She glared at him as if it were his fault. "It's the boy who is ultimately responsible for the pregnancy, too."

That didn't make any sense at all to him. "Tradition is all well and good, but --"

"It was your responsibility to cast the spell," McGonagall said with finality.

Okay, so this wasn't the place to point out that it was completely unfair. "I did use it with Ginny," Harry said. At least, he was pretty sure that he had. It was all hazy and indistinct and all the encounters seemed to blend together.

McGonagall nodded, as if she'd expected that answer. "Your magic may have been diminished, or it might have been blocked in some way. I don't think it's unlikely, given that curse." Then she met his eyes. "I want to believe you were telling Miss Weasley the truth when you said you'd cast the spell."

At least she hadn't called him a liar outright. He wished he could remember clearly. "How could I not have noticed that my magic was wonky?"

"I suspect with the amount of pain you were in, it would have been easy to overlook anything else." McGonagall's tone held note of compassion that Harry appreciated.

"But…but…it was such a simple charm."

"Miss Weasley said she remembered you'd said you'd cast it, but when she found herself pregnant, she thought --"

"That I'd lied. That I'd done that to her on purpose?"

McGonagall nodded.

"I wouldn't. I…" He'd been acting strangely and no one had understood the reason behind it. And no one cared enough to ask. "Oh, god…. What am I going to do?"

"You should put it up for adoption." She couldn't quite keep the hard look off her face. "Harry, you must consider your future."

What kind of person would he be if he abandoned his child? He had the means to take care of a child and he would. "Whatever my future is, it will include my child."

"All right." McGonagall clearly expected Harry to change his mind.

Which wasn't going to happen. No child of his would ever be abandoned, not if he had anything to say about it. "When can I get out of here?"

"I suspect Madam Pomfrey is not going to let you out before tomorrow morning."

"What can I expect?"

"That people will treat you differently. That they will whisper about you. That they will talk about you, but not to you."

"Pretty much my life as usual, then."

McGonagall chuckled. "I hope you can keep your positive attitude."

Harry didn't think of himself as having much of a positive attitude, but if that made McGonagall feel better to think that, it was all right with him. "Me, too."

*****  
Part 2

With a fair amount of trepidation, Harry said the password and went into the common room. The silence that greeted him was hardly unexpected. He stood at the door for a moment and took a breath. Several people who were standing around pointedly turned their backs on him. And Ginny went up the stairs to the girls' dormitory without a word.

Hermione and Ron were sitting together on the sofa beside the fireplace. They both looked up at him and then at each other. For a second, Harry thought they would shun him as well. Even as he braced himself for it, they stood up and walked toward him.

It warmed his heart as they both smiled tentatively at him.

"Are you doing okay?" Hermione asked. There was less warmth in her tone than she usually had, but at least she was talking to him.

He was grateful for that. "Madam Pomfrey let me out, so…." Harry shrugged. He didn't feel great, but it was better than it had been. And anything was better than a week ago.

"Good." Ron sounded nearly like normal.

Silence fell again as they looked at each other. After all their years together, it was like they didn't know what to say to each other, like there was a wall between them. Harry felt his stomach twist.

Neville joined their small group. "Are you going to be allowed to catch up in your classes?"

Thankful for his support, Harry nodded. "Yes. McGonagall said that Snape, Slughorn, and Sprout would all help me during --"

"The only reason anyone is even talking to you is because you killed You-Know-Who." Lavender stood beside them, an ugly sneer on her face. Then she turned around and walked away.

Harry didn't even like her, but it hurt. He supposed he'd have to get used to this now. Not that he ever had before.

From the corner where Lavender had tromped off to, there was a burst of laughter. Several people turned around to look at Harry, and then went back to ignoring him.

Harry glared back at them, but knew it was a lost cause. He turned towards Hermione, Ron and Neville. "Thanks."

He'd just have to put up with it. Like he always did.

"So, you've decided to stay and spend the holiday catching up?" Hermione made it sound as if he'd had a choice in the matter, which they both knew he hadn't.

Harry tried to dredge up a smile. It didn't work. His life was too fucked up for words. "Yes. Malfoy is going to be working with me on Charms."

Ron snorted.

"He's very good at it, Ron, and you know it." Hermione's tone was chiding.

"So? It's still Malfoy." Ron shuddered.

Oh yeah, Harry understood that.

"Is there more that you have to do?" Neville asked.

"Well, yes. I've got to start to spend time with…" He had no idea what to call it. 'The pod' seemed so remote, as if it weren't real. And it was. At least, to him.

"You're going to keep it?" Neville sputtered. "Why? Why not put it up for adoption?"

"It's my child." Suddenly, Harry was just so tired. "I think I'm going to go up to bed."

"You're really going to keep the pod?" Ron's face got red as he seemed to remember whon he was talking to.

"I don't want to discuss it anymore. But yes. I'm going to keep it."

Ron opened his mouth, probably to ask something else, but when Harry shook his head, Ron said, "See you up there."

"Sleep well," Hermione said and stepped back. Both Ron and Neville nodded and also stepped back.

A glance at the mostly hostile room, and Harry sighed, and went up the stairs. He stripped off and got into his pajamas, closing the curtains tightly as he got into bed. With a wave of his wand, he cast a Silencing Spell. His chest hurt so badly. Sitting back against the pillows, he drew his knees up to his chest. How did his life always end up like this?

*****

The following morning, after a tense breakfast without Ron or Hermione to talk to, Harry made his way down to the dungeons. Even though Snape taught Defense upstairs, he was also Head of House for Slytherin and kept his office where it had always been.

As much as Harry would rather not bother, he knew he had to thank Snape for what he'd done last week. Come to that, he'd never even talked to Snape about any of the other things that he'd done for Harry. Stuff that that'd been in the Pensieve. He'd meant to when he got back to school, but... Yeah, seemed like he'd meant to do a lot of things that he hadn't gotten around to doing.

Some part of him had half-hoped that Snape might check on him while he was in the infirmary, so maybe they could talk in a neutral setting. But that hadn't happened, and now Harry'd have to make the effort. A greasy bastard he might be, but there was no denying that Snape had saved his life. Again.

He knocked on Snape's office door and heard something that he hoped was an entrance invitation. Pushing open the door, Harry took a deep breath and held it for a second, trying to calm the butterflies that had taken up residence in his belly.

"Potter. What do you want?" Snape barked as Harry came to stand in front on his desk. He didn't look like he was in a very good mood, not that that was unusual, especially when dealing with Harry.

Harry took another breath and squared his shoulders, telling himself that he owed this man more than he could repay. "I..." Humiliated, he tried again. "I..."

"What? I don't have all day to waste on your blithering." Snape folded his arms over his chest and glared.

Only because he didn't want to draw this out any longer than he had to, Harry forced the words out. "I…I wanted to thank you. For what you did. For helping me." Harry coughed. "For everything else, too."

"Your sincerity astonishes me." Snape sneered at him. "Go away."

He was sincere, but this was Snape and that made it all the harder to sound like he meant it, even when he did. "No. Really. I mean it. I--"

"Leave it, Potter." Snape sounded bored and annoyed at the same time.

Harry wondered how he managed it. It made him angry. "No." Why did Snape have to make it all so damned difficult? "I want you to understand --"

"What? That you're grateful? I can see that in your heartfelt thanks." Clearly, he'd angered Snape somehow, and he had no idea what he'd done this time. Maybe it was like with everyone else and what he'd done was so bad that they couldn't see past it.

That didn't make sense since Snape had been the one who figured out what was wrong with him. "I am grateful, okay? You bloody well saved my life."

"Ten points from Gryffindor for profanity."

"Fuck --"

"Twenty."

Harry was ready to throw up his hands. There had never been anyone more difficult than this man. "I'm trying to thank you and you're taking points. Why did I bother to come down here?"

"I have no idea, but perhaps you'd better leave." Snape's ugly smile sent an unpleasant shiver down Harry's spine.

He took a step towards the door and then stopped. "Oh."

"Did you have something else to say?" Snape's tone said he didn't want to hear it.

That wasn't surprising since Harry didn't want to say it, but he did. "Classes end today --"

"Yes, Potter. I did know that. So much for stating the obvious." Snape's sneer was gleefully evil.

He hated having to do this, but Harry took a breath and forced the words out in a civil tone. "I wanted to know about the schedule --"

"For what?"

If there was any other way in the world that Harry thought he could pass his classes, he'd give this a miss. But there wasn't. "I need tutoring."

Snape ran a hand through his greasy hair and sighed. "I hope you understand what an imposition this is on me."

"Yes. I know. I appreciate it." Harry forced the words out through his gritted teeth. God, how he hated Snape sometimes. Most times. After everything, he wasn't supposed to hate Snape anymore, but the reality was that Snape hadn't changed that much. If only he weren't such an honorable bastard, Harry could feel so much more righteous in his hatred.

"I'll expect you here, first thing in the morning. Plan to spend two hours every day working on what you've missed this term." Snape pinned him with a hard stare. "There are some ground rules that you will agree to ahead of time. There will be no personal discussions whatsoever."

As it happened, Harry hadn't been thinking about that. Right now, the past was just that, he had his future to worry about. However, now that Snape mentioned it, Harry wanted to ask about a lot of things. Instead, he just nodded.

He _was_ grateful that Snape and the rest of his teachers were going to do this for him. "I'm fine with that. When do I start?"

"Tomorrow morning," Snape said without hesitation.

Harry supposed there would be no weekend breaks. "Thank you." Harry left, trying to rein in his annoyance. Snape _was_ doing him a favor.

*****

Neither Ron nor Hermione were at dinner, and Neville had been talking to Seamus. Harry sat by himself with his shoulders hunched, everyone making conversation around and over him. It shouldn't have hurt so much that people were living down to his expectations. Really, it was like any other time when things went wrong.

It had happened year after year, for one reason or another. Having defeated Voldemort was all well and good, but it hadn't actually changed much for him.

Letting it all go would be his best option; he had a lot that he needed to do before the term started in January. To that end, he looked across the room.

Malfoy sat by himself at the very end of the Slytherin table. Harry had never been quite sure if the rest of the house had rejected him, or if he had set himself apart. Either way, it was kind of odd to see him like that.

He gathered his tattered courage around him. Malfoy looked up and glared at him as he approached.

"Malfoy?" he said, wondering why this had to be so hard.

"Potter." Malfoy said nothing else, and it was clear he was waiting for Harry to make the next move.

"I understand you're to help me catch up with Charms." Malfoy was doing him a favor and he should be grateful. It just didn't feel that way. Having to ask Malfoy for anything was like a knife in the gut.

Malfoy sneered at him. "Only because I was asked, as a favor to the Headmistress. And I owe her too much to refuse," Malfoy drawled in that bored obnoxious tone he had.

Harry would've liked to smack that look off Malfoy's face, but the satisfaction wouldn't have been worth it. "Fine. When?"

"Afternoons, I think. I'm planning to sleep late each morning." If anything, Malfoy's face got smugger.

"Right." He didn't care one way or another.

"I'm sure I'll be catching you up on all the material from the beginning of the term, won't I?" Malfoy raised an eyebrow at him.

Harry hated Malfoy right then, enough to fail his class and hex the bastard. But McGonagall had gone to a lot of trouble to set this up for him. "Probably. Two, all right?"

"That's fine. Run along now. I dislike being seen talking to you, now that you've ruined yourself."

Harry's hand reached for his wand. He managed to pull back before he did something he would regret. But there would come a time, he promised himself, there would come a time. "Tomorrow."

"Don't be late, Potter."

Beyond words, Harry walked away.

*****

After dinner, he hurried up to the infirmary. He needed to see Madam Pomfrey and take possession of his.... God, he hated calling it a pod. When he knocked on her door, he was surprised by the cold look she gave him. He wanted to ask what he'd done, but really, he could guess.

"Let's get to it," she said briskly, leading him into her lab. On the table there was an egg-shaped opaque object.

It wasn't as big as he'd thought it would be. Not that he had any real idea, but it looked quite like an oversized hen's egg. "That's it?"

"Yes."

"Can I touch it?" Harry was terrified of what this thing meant. What it would come to mean. What it already meant to his life

"If you're serious about taking care of it, you'll need to do more than that, young man," she said tartly. "You'll need to spend three to four hours a day in contact with it."

Harry picked it up and was surprised to feel the faintest magical signature come from it. "How old is it?"

"About two and a half or three months."

"So the baby will be born at the end of the school year, then?"

"Probably earlier."

"Ron said pod babies come early."

"Unless they are handled correctly, they can have problems. Which is why --"

"Please don't start with me. I'm not going to put it up for adoption."

"As it happens, I wasn't going to say that." She took it from him. "You'll need to be careful."

"I thought that it was protected in there." Harry looked hard at it, wondering what the baby looked like on the inside.

"It is, but sometimes, when a fetus is put into a pod at conception or close to it, there can be complications."

"You mean, other babies go into pods?" Harry hadn't considered that.

"Yes. Sometimes there are problems with the mother and she can't carry the baby. The further the baby is along, the more likely they will make it in the pod. And then, usually the mother-- and the father as well -- spend a great deal of time comforting the fetus so that it knows it's not alone."

"How can it tell?"

"There really isn't much known about what it can sense, but we are fairly sure that it's not aware, per se, but it can sense that someone is there. Studies do show that the more attention a pod gets, the greater the chances of viability."

"I don't understand how. I mean, can Muggle children sense their parents?"

"I have no idea about Muggle children, but we believe that the fetus can sense when the parents don't want it." Pomfrey sighed.

"I want it." He did. He hadn't wanted to have a family this soon, or under these conditions, but that didn't mean that he didn't want it, now that he had it.

Pomfrey looked very skeptical. "You're ready to give up your free time to take care of it?"

"I'm ready to do what's necessary to make sure it's okay. That it lives." Harry glared at her, incensed. She should really know him better than this.

"As I said, you'll need to spend a minimum of three to four hours with it each day."

"Minimum?" Harry looked down at it. "How fragile is it?"

Pomfrey's expression became less hard, and more speculative. "It's completely self-contained and shielded," she said cautiously.

"So if I took it and kept it with me all the time, it would be okay?" Harry looked at it. "How does it get fed?"

Tilting her head, Pomfrey regarded him for a moment and then smiled. "You would need to bring it back here every day or two for that. The nourishment the pod needs is put into the lining and the fetus ingests it from there."

"So, if we keep it fed, then I can keep it with me?"

"I think so. But it's not indestructible. As I said, you would need to be careful." Her tone had warmed considerably.

"I was thinking of taking it to class with me." If he kept it around all the time, he hoped it would know that he cared. Unfortunately, he could see where it could be a problem in some of his classes.

"You know that everyone would see you with it. They would never forget that --"

She couldn't be that naive, could she? Harry shook his head in disbelief. "They'll never forget anyway. Or at least until the next thing happens. I don't care what anyone thinks at this point. I just want to do what's best for it."

"You'll have to be careful in Potions or anywhere where it might get hit with a stray spell."

"I will be. Now, do I just need to be around it, or should I be touching it?"

"Being around it is good, but touching is better. The closer the contact, the better it will be for it."

"What if I keep it against me? I could hold it inside my shirt when I walk around." And yes, Harry knew just what that would look like when the pod got bigger. He found it kind of amusing. "I could also spell my clothes for extra protection."

Pomfrey nodded. "That would be wonderful for it. But why would you go to this much trouble?"

He couldn't believe she could even ask such a thing. "It's my baby."

"You think of it as your baby?" She gave him a considering look, as if she weren't sure if she believed him or not.

"Yes. I do. And is there some way to know if it's a girl or boy? I don't like thinking of my baby as an _it_."

She smiled. Shifting her wand, she ran it over the pod. "It's a girl."

A wave of warmth went through Harry. He picked it up and stared at it for a moment. His daughter was in there. "Thanks."

"Be careful," Pomfrey advised him as he left.

But he had already committed himself to that.

*****

"What are you doing with that?" Snape's tone was as scathing as it was incredulous.

"What does it look like, Professor?" Harry carefully removed the pod from inside his shirt. Defense required that the pod be out of the way. He put it gently into his book bag where he'd created a little protected pillow for it to sit on when he couldn't hold it.

"It looks like you have no discretion at all." Snape sneered at him.

"I thought you understood that the more time I spend with her, the better it is." Harry folded his arms over his chest. The mixed signals were really starting to annoy him.

"A Defense classroom is no place for…that." Snape waved a hand at the pod, dismissing it.

"She's protected by the pod shell, and I've augmented her defenses." He'd never have brought her if he'd thought there was a real danger. In all his years, he'd never had anything he owned hexed or melted.

Snape shook his head. "A misdirected hex will do it no good."

"Unless it's a killing curse or something else with that kind of power --"

"This is not the place --"

The bastard wasn't even trying to understand. Not that Harry should have expected anything better from him. Not Snape. He folded his arms over his chest and glared at Snape. "She's my daughter, and I'll thank you to remember that."

Harry was ready to pack her up and leave. And maybe hex that bastard on his way out. Except that he needed to pass this class to stay in school.

Snape's eyes widened. "I can't believe that you're going to keep it?"

"I'm sure Professor McGonagall told you all about it, so why would you think otherwise?

Something went out of Snape's anger. Harry wasn't sure what it was, only that Snape didn't look ready to hex him at the drop of a hat. "Because most people in your position would have put it up for adoption and been done with it."

"Her. What part of she's my daughter didn't you get?" Harry didn't understand why he had to say it over and over. He sighed. No one listened.

Snape laughed, sounding somewhere between appalled and amused. "Trust Harry Potter to not only have a child out of wedlock, but to keep it as well."

He met Snape's eyes with all the determination he could muster. "You bet I will. Now, are you going to help me with Defense?"

"Don't you even know to be ashamed of yourself for what you've done?" He still sounded like his usual mean bastard self.

But Snape of all people _should_ understand what Harry had been through, he'd discovered the curse himself. Maybe he was just being a bastard to get under Harry's skin. Harry didn't know and at this point, didn't really care.

"I'm sorry I got Ginny pregnant. I'm sorry my magic failed to protect her. I'm sorry that all of this had to happen. But I'm not ashamed. I've done nothing to _be_ ashamed of." That was the bottom line. Everyone blamed him for something he'd had no control over. This time, like every other time, he'd just have to march through it and do his best.

Snape looked gobsmacked. "You don't think sleeping with half the girls in this school is something to be ashamed of?"

"I wish I hadn't done it, but at the time, I wasn't in my right mind. And you know that better than anyone." Harry watched as he walked over to the pod.

Without a word, Snape raised his wand.

Even though instinct told him that Snape wouldn't hurt her, Harry reacted with panic and fear. Moving quickly, Harry caught his arm. "What are you doing?"

Snape's expression was caught between surprise and fury. But he reined back his emotions. "I'm going to cast another protective spell on it."

"Her. And why? She's got several on there already." And Harry would really prefer if people let him know before they did that. McGonagall had done the same thing.

"Don't you ever pay any attention to anything?" Snape scowled at him.

"Just tell me why?"

"Because each time the spell is cast, it reinforces the protections. Because each person's magic is slightly different, it strengthens the pod in new ways."

"That would explain why everyone wants to do it, right?"

"You really know nothing about the world you live in, do you? It's considered good luck to cast a protective spell on someone or something." Snape sounded like it was Harry's fault he didn't know about this aspect of Wizarding culture.

"No, I don't know much about Wizarding culture. Three people have cast protective charms on her today without asking." Harry breathed out, trying to tamper down his annoyance.

"They are doing you a service at some expense to themselves. They wouldn't think to ask since you would be a fool to refuse them."

"I didn't know that."

"Of course you didn't."

"How am I supposed to learn all of this? It's not taught. How would any Muggle-born know that?"

Snape looked at him and sighed. "You ask. You read about the culture. You live here."

Snape was right. If he and his daughter were going to live here, he'd need to learn about the culture. His culture. No. Their culture. "Can you give me a list of books to read?"

That seemed to surprise Snape, and Harry wasn't sure why. "I can. Not that I think you'll actually read them."

Harry bit back a retort and forced a wan smile. "Thank you. Will you?" He nodded towards the pod. They both needed as much help as they could get.

For one second, Snape hesitated, as if he'd changed his mind. But then he sighed and lifted his wand. He muttered a few phrases too low for Harry to catch, and the pod glowed for a second or two.

"Thanks," Harry said again.

Snape inclined his head. "Now, let's begin."

The lesson was hard. When Snape hexed him for the fifth time in a row, Harry started to understand just how much he'd missed. He was sweating and sore by the time he finally hobbled out of the classroom.

*****

"Sweet Merlin, Potter, I can't believe you had the audacity to bring _that_ here." Malfoy's tone was perfectly scandalized.

First Snape, now Malfoy, and Harry had had just about enough of this. "You'd think everyone would rather I just give her away."

"Yes, actually, that would be preferable to your rubbing everyone's nose in your indiscretions."

"You'd think you never did anything wrong, Malfoy. You'd think you were pure as a virgin."

"You'd think it, too, wouldn't you?" Malfoy smirked. "I know how to use those charms we were taught. More than that, I use them correctly."

"Is that what you think? I did this on purpose?"

"It doesn't matter if you did. You still got a witch pregnant. That isn't done, Potter." There was a note of utter seriousness in Malfoy's tone that surprised Harry. It sounded like it mattered to him. Since Malfoy was all about appearances, it probably did.

"Well, there isn't anything I can do about that, now. All I can do is deal with the consequences. And I'm going to." Harry had nothing more to say about that.

"I'm sure you think you are."

"Oh, make no mistake, Malfoy, she is mine, and I'm going to take care of her." That was all there was to that. The sooner people realized it, the better off everyone would be.

"You never cease to amaze me. You should be hiding in shame and instead you're flaunting yourself as you always do."

There was literally nothing Harry could say to that. Besides, he didn't care what Malfoy thought. "I'm not ashamed. And frankly, what you or anyone else thinks doesn't matter to me. It never has."

Malfoy sneered, a disgusted look twisting his pretty features. "I can't believe you."

"That's not what I'm here for anyway. I'm here so that you can help me pass my Charms class. If you'd rather I left so you won't be tainted by me, I'm sure McGonagall will understand."

The stunned look on Malfoy's face was quite satisfying. "You're not going to leave it there, are you?" Malfoy nodded towards the pod.

"The pod has a number of protective charms on it already. Unless you hex it directly, she should be fine." He met Malfoy's eyes, conveying a warning about what he might do if Malfoy took it into his head to do that.

Malfoy blinked, but clearly he was going to heed the warning. "Fine. If you have no decency, then it's not my place to teach it to you."

Harry bit his lip.

When Malfoy saw he wasn't going to take the bait, he sighed. "What have you learned this year?"

"Not much," Harry said, honestly. He couldn't remember anything.

"We started the year with useful household charms."

Harry listened as Malfoy went on to explain that they had begun to learn charms in series and categories. After only a few minutes, Harry realized that Malfoy actually did know what he was talking about.

*****

Harry came around the corner after one of his lessons with Malfoy, and saw Luna sitting in a window seat in an alcove on the stairs. Her legs were drawn up and she was staring out the window.

"Luna," Harry said, pleased to see what he hoped would be a friendly face. "I'm surprised to see you stayed over the break. I thought for sure after last year, you would have gone home."

She stiffened as he approached and glanced at the pod that he had in a sling across his front. "No. I didn't go home." Her tone was cool, and not as distracted as he was used to her being.

Harry was surprised. "Is your dad okay?"

She nodded. "Fine." She started to say something else and then sighed. "He's fine."

"Oh." Harry wondered what her problem was, and then her eyes drifted to the pod in his hand.

"Do you think we could talk later?" Luna asked. She closed her eyes, as if trying to shut out the sight of his pod.

"Or would you rather just not talk at all?"

Her eyes blinked open. "Excuse me?"

"I'll make it easy for you." Harry ran a hand over the pod's smooth surface. She was his daughter and if people weren't going to accept that or him, then he would be quit of them.

"I don't understand --" Her vague look was returning.

"Of course you do. Everyone understands all too well. Or thinks they do." This wasn't his problem and he wasn't going to defend himself yet again. If Luna, or anyone else was going to drop him for something that wasn't his fault, then bugger them, he didn't need them anyway.

"I'm sorry --" She jumped down from the seat, obviously in preparation for walking away.

"So am I." Harry turned around and went back up the stairs. He'd get lunch later. He'd thought Luna was his friend. But he'd thought that about a lot of other people, too. It would be long time before he let anyone get close to him. He had his daughter to protect now.

*****  
Part 3

"Harry. Hold up a second," Ron called as Harry would have gone into the Great Hall for dinner. The train had delivered everyone back to school just after lunch.

"Ron. Did you have a good holiday?" He smiled tentatively, but Ron's expression was clouded with anger. It sent a shard of dread into Harry's stomach. Now what?

"I want to talk to you." Ron nodded towards the corridor.

This wasn't going to be good. Harry followed him out of the stream of people trying to get in. "Fine. What?"

"Did you have sex with Hermione?" Ron's face was red.

"Um...why are you asking me this?" Because really, Harry had a bad feeling Ron already knew the answer and if he didn't, then Harry sure as hell wasn't going to tell him.

"Hermione won't say." Ron sounded as if he were insulted.

Harry breathed a sigh of relief. He wouldn't have thought she'd say anything. In truth, he supposed she wanted to forget all about it. Not that he blamed her. He could barely pick her out of all the girls he'd been with during that time. It made him feel sick that he'd used her so cheaply. "If she won't tell you, then why do you think I will?"

"I'm not stupid. I know that if nothing happened, you'd say so. So something must have happened." Ron's expression hardened even more.

"That doesn't make sense." But of course, it did. Maybe he just should have lied.

As if he knew what Harry was thinking, Ron's face went redder. "Tell me."

"No. If Hermione has something to tell you, then she will." But it was clear that Ron knew and that he wasn't going to let it go. Not that he should, really. Harry's gut twisted every time he thought about it. All of it. Not only what he'd done with Hermione, but everyone else as well.

"How could you sleep with my girlfriend? I thought you were my friend." Ron's hand twitched and Harry could see he was ready to go for his wand.

"Ron. I --"

"What? What can you possibly say to me right now? Not only did you get my sister pregnant, but you slept with my girlfriend, too. I can't believe you'd do that to either of them." Ron's chest heaved and he looked like he was trying to hold back his rage.

"I didn't do any of those things to you." That was lame. But it was also true. And maybe she hadn't gotten over it, but Hermione had said she'd forgiven him. Ginny was another story. But even then, she had a right to be angry with him, not Ron.

"Hermione is supposed to be your best friend. How could you have done that to her? I'm sure she didn't agree to it."

"Watch what you're accusing me of. She was willing." Oh God. That wasn't what he'd meant to say. At all. But how could Ron even think such a thing?

Hermione had been willing. Perhaps less than more, but she'd not said no. And he had to believe that if she had said no, he would have respected that.

Ron's face looked deathly pale, his anger stark and awful.

"Maybe you should think about what kind of shape I was in to do either of those things!" Harry hated himself for all of it.

Ron advanced on him, and Harry backed up. He could take Ron in a fight. Well, a duel. But he didn't want to. "Ron, please. Try and understand."

"You are not the person I thought you were." Ron pulled his wand out and pointed it at Harry.

As much as he didn't want to hurt Ron, and he knew he deserved whatever Ron was going to do to him, but he couldn't let him hurt the pod. He put a hand on the sling and shook his head. "I can't let you --"

"What is going on here?" Snape's voice cut through the anger between Ron and him like a knife through butter.

"Nothing," Ron said, tucking his wand back into his sleeve.

"Oh, really?" Snape sneered his best sneer. And took in his and Ron's positions. "You weren't threatening another student with your wand, were you, Mr. Weasley?"

"No, he wasn't," Harry said quickly. He didn't want to see Ron expelled.

Snape tilted his head, considering both of them. "Detention tonight, Weasley. Nine o'clock. And don't be late." He whirled around, his robes flaring outward, and stalked off.

"Bloody hell," Ron said, and then turned to Harry. "We're not done."

But Harry was very much afraid that they were. That broke his heart.

*****

"What happened with Ron?" Hermione asked as soon as she saw Harry come into the common room.

Before he answered, he pulled her over to the side of the room. "He got a detention with Snape for tonight."

"Already? We've only been back a few hours." She looked at Harry and clearly saw something on his face. "What happened?"

"He accused me of sleeping with you. Which I managed to confirm without meaning to." He should have lied. It would have been so much simpler.

She sighed. "We should have known we'd never be able to keep it from him. I'm sure he's not taking it well. Maybe we should have lied." But she didn't sound like she wanted to lie to him either

In the end, lying would only make things worse. "He cornered me. Did something happen over the holidays?"

Hermione seemed to draw in on herself, and her face went red. "He wanted to --"

"Did you?" He couldn't meet her eyes.

"I didn't want to. But it wasn't about that." She was lying.

Harry's stomach had a lead ball in it. "I'm sorry. I am so, so sorry."

"I've told you before that it's fine. That I said yes."

"But it's not. Not if you don't want to with Ron. I didn't mean to hurt you." He wanted to reach out and touch her, comfort her, but he'd lost his right. And that hurt as much as anything else.

"It wasn't that you hurt me. Not physically. That way," she trailed off, blushing. "It was quite pleasurable. It's just that --"

"It wasn't Ron. Like it was supposed to be." Harry felt even worse. If it had helped, maybe he wouldn't feel like crap about it. But nothing had helped. Not until Snape went into his mind and fixed it.

"I'll talk to Ron. See if I can work things out with him." It didn't sound like she thought it would do any good.

Harry didn't think so either. He was deathly afraid of losing both of them over this. Why hadn't anyone done anything sooner? Why had it been allowed to fester? Why? Why? Why? He knew the answer and hated it.

Before he could say anything else, Ron came in, looking sickly pale. He glanced around and saw them.

"Are you okay?" Hermione asked as soon as he was within speaking distance.

"No. I'm not. Harry, mate, I'm sorry about before." Ron was shaking.

That was so far from the reaction Harry'd been bracing himself for that he was speechless. "What happened? What did Snape do to you?"

"The man is a bastard. But he made me understand what happened to you. Why didn't you say something?" Ron hunched into himself, looking down, around the room. Not at Harry.

"About what?" Harry was more confused. Not that he wasn't grateful for the change of heart, but what caused it?

"How did Professor Snape make you understand?" Hermione sounded like she wanted to understand too.

"He left his Pensieve --"

"Oh God, you didn't look into that without asking?" Memories of fifth year played out in Harry's mind.

"What? No. I'd never look in someone's Pensieve without permission. That's a gross invasion of privacy." Just Ron's tone was enough to stick another knife blade of guilt into Harry's gut.

To add to all the other guilts in his life.

"What did you see?" Harry asked, sure it would be awful.

"Snape's memory of what was in your mind." A shiver went through Ron's frame that made him seem very young.

"What was in my mind?" Harry actually had no idea what visualization Snape had put to it. From Ron's expression, it must have been pretty bad.

"You don't know?" Hermione seemed to find this hard to believe.

"I couldn't see the curse. I could only feel the effects." Harry tried to recall that time, but only impressions of noise and pain came to him. Nothing that he could put his finger on as real. Perhaps that was a blessing.

"It was awful. A bloody mess. Literally." Ron breathed out as if trying to push the image away.

Harry still had no notion of what the curse was. "I can't remember much."

"I'm not surprised. You shouldn't have survived that. I think it would have killed most people." Ron shuddered. "I can't believe you lived with that."

"I can't believe Snape showed you." Hermione sounded incredulous. "Why would he?"

Ron shook his head. "I don't know. Maybe to make me feel guilty. I'm glad he did, though. I understand now."

"I still wonder why he did it."

Even when he understood Snape's motivations, some part of why Snape did the things he did would always be a mystery to Harry. "You're not going to tell anyone, are you?"

"Why wouldn't I? You couldn't have been in your right mind. It's still not going to be an excuse for some people, but others might listen."

"Just let it go. I mean, I don't expect it would help much." Things were going to be bad no matter what he did or didn't do. And to have Ron defending him seemed like he was making excuses.

"People aren't going to talk to you over this," Hermione said, sounding like it was a personal affront to her. "Maybe you should at least try to make them understand that it wasn't your fault."

"It's not like I care that much what other people think of me," Harry said cavalierly. He did care, somewhat. But he shouldn't have to defend himself.

"Harry, if I was able to believe such bad things about you -- your best friend -- just think what everyone else must think! You have to explain, or let Hermione and me explain. There's no shame in defending yourself."

Harry shook his head. People believed what they wanted to believe and nothing he said or did at this point would make any difference. He was done with trying. "No. I'm not going to say anything more or have anyone else do anything like that. I just don't care anymore. Let it be."

Ron and Hermione looked at each other and then at Harry. "Fine. It's your decision," Ron said.

*****

The following morning, Harry went down to Snape's office before breakfast, ostensibly to talk to Snape about a new schedule for Defense lessons now that school was back in session.

"Come," Snape called.

"Professor?" Harry came into the office to find Snape hunched over a cup of tea.

Snape took a sip and then sighed in obvious pleasure. "Potter. You're up early. What do you want?"

"Um...two things. First, to return this," Harry said, pulling a phial with swirling silver liquid in it out of his robe pocket.

Snape blinked. "Why now? After all this time?"

"I always meant to return it to you, but..." Harry trailed off, and looked down. "I guess I forgot until Ron mentioned it." He cleared his throat. "I was wondering if you might consider telling me about --"

"No. I will not speak of it. Please do not bring it up again," Snape grunted out through his clenched teeth. He took a visible breath. "What was the other thing you wished to talk about?"

"I wanted to ask you about a schedule for the spring term. For my lessons." It was so unfair that he still needed Snape.

Snape sighed. "Dunderhead that you are, I suspect you'll still need them for some time to come."

It was hard, but Harry refused to rise to the bait. He needed Snape, and they both knew it. "Yes. When are you free?"

"I think Tuesday and Thursday nights. If you're late, I'll stop giving you lessons." Snape's tone was ominous, and threatening, but lacked some of its normal hostility.

"Thanks. And thanks for Ron."

"What are you talking about?" Snape's tone said he had no idea what Harry was talking about, but the look in his eyes said he did.

But Harry was starting to figure that much out. "I'm talking about making sure my best friend knew what happened to me," Harry said.

"Why would I do anything to help you? I don't like you." That was obvious. Why he had done something to help Harry that he hadn't needed to do was the question.

One that he wasn't going to get answered. At least not now. That was okay. He was learning to be patient. "I have no idea why. But I do appreciate it."

"Get out of here before I give you a detention."

Harry left, but he couldn't quite hold back a smile. It was the first nice thing anyone had done for him in weeks. And that it was Snape was more of a surprise than anything else.

*****

By the time the second week of the term had almost ended, everyone around Harry had settled down to just ignoring him. They didn't seem as angry or outraged as they had. Perhaps Ron had said something about what he'd seen after all.

Harry lay on the sofa in the common room, reading. He had pushed his shirt and jumper up so that the pod could rest on his bare belly. Studying this way had turned out to be oddly comforting and it helped to ease the stress of the day.

Ron and Hermione came in and favored him with tentative smiles.

They were all trying. Now that Ron knew what'd happened, it was easier. There was still an awkwardness that even Snape's explanation to Ron hadn't helped, however. Nothing was ever easy in his life.

"Hi," he said when they approached the sofa.

Hermione sat down on the table across from him. "I think it's very brave what you're doing."

"Um…what?" Because as far as he knew he hadn't done anything special. Just surviving day to day, just like he always did.

"With…I mean…you know, keeping it." She glanced at the pod.

Oh, he got it. "What? That I won't abandon her? That I'm not embarrassed by her?" He hadn't meant to sound so sharp, but he couldn't understand why everyone found it so strange that he'd keep her with him. That he cared enough to do the right thing.

"Most people --"

"Hermione, you know me, I'm not most people."

"Everyone is making your life so hard. Everyone is so upset." But she didn't sound like she was upset anymore. It was going to take more time for things to be normal again, but at least she understood.

"I'm not going to blame her for that. I'm past caring what people think." Harry patted the pod. Every time someone said 'most people', Harry wanted to scream.

"This usually happened to boys who didn't care enough to do the spell. They weren't careful. But people think the worst anyway." Hermione held up her hand to stop him from interrupting. "I know it's not true in your case, but people think what they want to."

"Even after seeing everything, I wonder how such a simple spell could fail?" Ron asked, finally coming to stand beside Hermione.

"I thought McGonagall or Snape explained it to you. My magic was all wonky from the curse. It either didn't work, or didn't work right. That was part of the reason I was doing so poorly in my classes, too."

"How could everyone not have noticed?" It was clear Ron was including himself in that. But they all knew the answer.

"That's just it, Ron. They noticed and let it pass since I was The-Boy-Who-Got-Rid-Of-Voldemort." The words tasted bitter in his mouth. It should never have gone on anywhere near as long as it had.

"McGonagall should have told everyone. Snape could have said, too." Ron sighed. Snape might have told Ron about it, for whatever reason, but he wasn't going to defend Harry to everyone. Even McGonagall hadn't done that.

"She did say, but…" Hermione trailed off.   
"No one believed her," Harry finished. "They thought she was making excuses for me. I have to deal with it as best I can." That probably wouldn't be any better than he'd ever done. "How is Ginny?" It hurt every time she turned and walked away from him. But he knew better than to try and talk to her without an invitation.

"She's okay. She's still really hurt that you…" Ron looked away.

"But I didn't." Harry sat up, moving the pod carefully.

"I know that. And I've tried to tell her. But she still had to…." Ron glanced pointedly at the pod. "She doesn't want to hear about it yet. Give her a little time."

"You know, I'm the one who is going to have the baby." He could deal with being responsible, with having a baby at his age, but he couldn't believe that Ginny would just walk away and not care. That she was upset to find herself in that situation was understandable, but Harry was the one who was dealing with it.

"You know, I still can't believe you're doing this. I mean, you could put it up for adoption." Ron's tone said he could not believe that Harry would be so stupid.

"You've had enough time to deal with it. She's my daughter. I can't abandon her." What'd happened to put him in this situation aside, he wanted her. Harry ran a finger over the top of the pod shell.

"Are you glad? I don't mean that you were cursed, but that --" Ron waved a hand over the pod.

"That I'm going to be a father before I turn nineteen years old? No. As much as I might want a family, I would have liked to have waited at least a few more years before having one." Drawing in a breath, Harry reined back his annoyance. Ron should know better, but this seemed to have brought out everyone's doubts.

"Are you ready to be a father?" Ron didn't sound like he thought Harry was. Which was true, of course.

"It doesn't matter if I'm ready or not, does it? It's going to happen. In about four months, give or take." But Harry would find a way to make it work because there wasn't another acceptable choice.

"How are your classes going?" Hermione said into the silence that stretched between him and Ron.

Harry laughed. It wasn't funny, but it was that or cry. "My classes are going better. I'm still way behind. I should probably get back to my studying."

"I never thought I'd hear you say something like that." Hermione laughed and it sounded just as forced as his had. "Can I?" She stretched out her hand towards the pod, but stopped short of actually touching it.

"Sure," Harry said, and held it out for her.

Hermione grinned delightedly. "Wow. I can sense something. Very faintly."

"Really?" Ron's eyes were wide and then he glanced at Harry. "Can I?"

"See, that's why." But he held the pod out for Ron to touch.

"I can sense something, too. Does she know you?" Ron seemed astounded by the idea.

"No. I don't think she's developed enough yet to know anything. But I hope she can sense that I'm with her." He believed that she knew and was comforted by his presence.

Hermione nodded, and then there didn't seem to be anything else to say. Finally, Hermione stood. "I should go to the library. I've got a lot of studying to do."

"Yeah," Ron said, standing too. "I'll go with you."

After they left, Harry lay back down, wondering if things would ever be the same with them.

*****

"Sorry I'm late," Harry said, rushing into the Defense classroom, out of breath. He set down his pack and turned to face Snape. Harry cringed before Snape even started to speak.

"I don't appreciate having my time wasted. If you can't be bothered to get here on time, then perhaps we should discontinue --"

"No. I'm sorry." Harry stopped and folded his arms over his chest. Over the past month or two, he'd started to look forward to his extra Defense lessons. "I would have thought that Slughorn --"

"Professor Slughorn," Snape automatically corrected.

"-- would have told you. Ron exploded his caldron and it went everywhere. Some of it got on the pod."

"You had it out during Potions. How stupid are you?"

"No. It ate a hole in my pack. It was just a couple of drops. But I took the pod up to Madam Pomfrey to make sure she was okay." He'd been so scared, seeing the hole and the solution on his pod.

"I thought she had more protective spells on her now than Hogwarts itself."

Harry smiled at that. "She does. But I could sense her distress." And it had scared the hell out of him.

"Sense her? How exactly? She should still be too underdeveloped for that." Snape sounded incredulous, as if he could not believe he'd sensed her.

"She's close to six months along." Harry touched the pod. She was about the size of an ostrich egg now. And while he couldn't sense anything beyond a faint contentment, that was enough to reassure him. "I just wanted to make sure she was okay.

Surprisingly, Snape nodded. "That was less stupid of you than usual."

Harry blinked, not quite able to believe that Snape had said something that might have passed for a compliment. "I can't take chances with her."

"Indeed not. Though I must say, I would have thought you would have given up on this by now." Something changed in his tone.

He'd lost Harry. "Given up what?"

"The idea of fatherhood at such a young age." Snape's tone wasn't as insulting as his normal classroom tone, but it wasn't nearly as decent as the one he used during his lessons, either.

"I'm not going to do that."

"It's hardly convenient."

And Harry realized that Snape was baiting him. Instead of exploding as he really wanted to do, Harry forced a laugh. "In one breath you compliment me for doing the right thing, and in the next you insult me."

"Live with it." There was an amused light in Snape's eyes.

Harry smirked at him. "I have. And I do. Speaking of that, shall we get started?"

Snape remained where he was for one more second, his eyes on the pod. "May I?"

At first, it had startled Harry that everyone wanted to touch it. Well, the people who were still talking to him, that was. Snape had never asked before.

Harry nodded and watched as Snape slowly reached out and laid a hand on the surface of the pod.

Closing his eyes, Snape seemed to be concentrating. "She seems well," he said, after opening his eyes.

"That's what Madam Pomfrey said. Why did you want to touch her?"

"Curiosity. There have been few enough chances to even see a pregnant witch, and none to touch one."

"How well can you sense her?"

"Not well. I sense her developing magic. I suspect she'll be quite strong."

"I was told that. I hope so." Maybe that would mitigate the situation surrounding her birth. No one had said anything about that, but a society that placed such a high standard on birth and bloodlines would not be kind to a child born out of a pod to an unmarried father. One more strike against her before she was even born. Harry sighed.

Snape looked at him sharply. "What is your problem now?"

"Will they blame her?"

"Blame who for what?" Snape looked perplexed by the question.

Harry wondered if he were being dense so that he wouldn't have to answer the question. Which admittedly wasn't like Snape, but Harry wasn't sure what Snape would or wouldn't talk about. "Will they blame my daughter for the circumstances of her birth?"

Snape raised an eyebrow. "Why would anyone blame her when it's your fault?"

"I know it's my fault. Are you saying she won't be ostracized or teased in school?"

"Don't be ridiculous. She had nothing to do with how she was conceived and born." Snape sneered at him. "As I said, you'll carry the blame for that."

"I already do." Harry was relieved. He could and would deal with whatever they said about him or did to him, but he didn't want his daughter have to deal with it as well. Not if there was anything he could do about it.

"Enough of this, let's get to work." The change in Snape's mood was as abrupt as it had been before he'd asked.

Harry stood, giving the pod one last touch. As much as Snape was a pain in the arse, he'd turned out to be a good teacher. At least, for their private lessons. He was pretty much a bastard in class.

Still, he wasn't going to complain. This was the one class where he was nearly up to date. Actually, if things kept going the way they were, Harry was pretty sure he'd be past his class shortly. He also suspected that Snape knew it, too.

*****  
Part 4

The weeks wore on. Harry charmed a harness so the pod would stay against him when he walked or sat. Yes, he knew just what it looked like and he didn't care. His fellow students continued to avoid contact with him as if he had some kind of plague. Though, surprisingly, as time wore on, his teachers softened a bit.

Harry made his way to breakfast one morning. As he sat down, a copy of the _Prophet_ was dropped on his plate by an unfamiliar owl.

Feeling sick, Harry opened the paper. Fuck. The Boy Who Lived: Ruined. The headlines screamed across the page in huge type. It was everything he'd been afraid of.

With dread filling his heart, Harry read the article. Rita Skeeter was a muckraker of the highest order. She conveniently left out the part about him being cursed as the reason for his erratic behavior. At least they didn't mention Ginny.

"Harry? Are you okay?" Neville voice was soft and sounded as if he actually cared. He probably did. Neville had always treated him like a friend.

"Yeah. I'm surprised it took her this long to find out." There was a picture of him lying on the sofa in the common room with the pod on his belly. It shouldn't surprise him that he'd been sold out, and by one of his fellow Gryffindors. It shouldn't hurt as bad as it did.

"Still, it's not --"

"Fair? Yeah. But thanks."

"It's like someone doesn't want anyone to forget." Neville sounded angry.

"How can anyone forget? I walk around with her." Harry patted the pod affectionately. He didn't resent her at all. It wasn't her fault.

"Harry?" Luna Lovegood stood beside the table, a vague look on her face. She might be angry or concerned, but it was hard to tell sometimes with Luna.

"Luna?" Harry stood up. He disliked having someone stand over him the way she did. "What do you want?" He hadn't meant to sound so harsh, but she hadn't spoken to him in months. After everything that had gone on with the D.A., her attitude had surprised him. He'd thought he'd known her better than that. He'd been wrong about a lot of people he'd thought better of.

She looked startled, but then sighed and looked down for a moment. "Do you want to a chance for rebuttal? To tell your side of the story?"

"What would be the point?" Harry already knew it wasn't going to help. This was his life, and nothing ever helped.

"You could mention why? I don't think people really know what happened to you." She looked at him with clear eyes, and he had to wonder just what people did know.

"Do you think anyone cares about why?" The truth was it didn't matter what was the truth. People always believed what they wanted to believe, and nothing Harry said would matter to them in the slightest. He reached down and picked up his pack.

"Aren't you going to finish your breakfast?" Neville nodded toward his nearly untouched plate.

"I've lost my appetite." It wasn't like he was actually feeding her. He smiled down at the expanse of his shirt.

"I do," Luna said out of nowhere.

Harry had no idea what she was talking about.

"Do what?" Neville looked as puzzled as Harry felt.

"I do think people care. I think that telling them why and what happened to you would help them understand. Telling them what you're doing will matter to them." She pointed at his extended shirt.

"And it would sell more copies of _The Quibbler_," Harry said, annoyed.

"That too. But it would let --"

"I think I'll just ignore it." It would go away eventually. He didn't want to put himself or his daughter at any more risk for ridicule than they were already going to get.

"You shouldn't, though," Neville said.

Harry sighed. "Not you too."

"Really, Harry, people will continue to treat you badly if you hide." Neville sounded sure of that. This year, Neville had shown so much more confidence in himself. But after what he'd gone through last year, that shouldn't be all that surprising.

"I'm not hiding." He shouldered his book bag and walked away.

"Think about it," Luna called after him.

Yeah, right. As if he'd be interested in having his life spread across the papers even more than it already was.

*****

"Ouch!" Harry jumped back, grabbing his injured arm. "Fuck."

"Ten points for profanity."

"What?" Harry couldn't believe that Snape had taken points. It had been weeks since the last time he'd done it.

"You are paying no attention at all. You deserved to be hexed." Snape sounded annoyed too.

"That's not fair," Harry complained, but knew Snape was right. Which made it all the worse.

"Since this class has become voluntary --"

"Voluntary? What does that mean?"

"Just what I said. You've caught up, and passed your class. Thus the lessons are no longer required."

He'd known he'd caught up, but hadn't thought about why they were still having lessons. Which brought up another question. "If you don't have to, then why are you doing it?"

Snape scowled at him and even though his expression was ugly, it was clear his heart wasn't in it. "You wanted to continue. I saw no reason not to."

With almost no one speaking to him, he had nothing else to do at night besides study. Working with Snape had turned out to be, if not fun exactly, then surprisingly satisfying.

"However, if you can't be bothered to do your best...." Snape sounded insulted.

Harry wasn't sure what he should say about it, if anything at all. But he didn't want Snape to think he was blowing off the lesson. "I'm sorry. My mind...I'm distracted."

"Then we shall continue this at the next lesson. Where I expect you to be paying attention."

"Did you see it?" Harry moved to pack up his books.

"If you're referring to the article in that gossip rag, then yes, I did."

Harry looked at Snape, who gazed back at him, completely unperturbed. "Luna said I should give _The Quibbler_ an interview to set the record straight." Harry wondered if asking Snape anything personal was a good idea.

Snape didn't look all that surprised. "How likely is it that _ The Quibbler_ will get its information correct?"

"How much worse can it be than the _ Prophet_?"

Snape snorted. "You don't want me to answer that, do you? What do you think you should do?"

"Okay. My first inclination is to just ignore the whole thing." And that was still his inclination. But the whole issue was getting harder and harder to swallow without comment. Even though it would be useless, there was some part of him that wanted to rail against the injustice of it all.

"Which has always served you so well in the past."

He didn't want to give the interview, but he also hated what they were saying about him. "Well, yes. But maybe saying something...."

"Would make you a star in everyone's eyes again?"

That should have set his teeth on edge, but Harry could hear the amusement in Snape's tone, as if he were teasing. Harry couldn't quite believe it. "I don't want that either and I think you know that." He sighed. "This whole ruined thing is getting old."

"You should have thought of that before --"

"Before what? Before I let Voldemort or some random Death Eater curse me? Before I had everyone making excuses for me instead of helping me? Before I managed to get a witch I care about pregnant?" Closing his eyes, Harry tried to let his anger go. This was just Snape baiting him, trying to get a reaction. He knew better than to respond in kind.

"You don't have a lot of options." Snape sounded almost apologetic. And that was closer to what Harry was expecting from him.

"I don't care so much that no one talks to me --"

At Snape's disbelieving look, Harry shook his head. "Fine. I'd rather people were pleasant, but I hate it that --"

"Despite the circumstances surrounding it, you actually did what you're accused of doing?" Snape seemed surprisingly sympathetic.

Harry found it bizarre that Snape always seemed to know what he was thinking. "Yes."

"Perhaps it's time for you to start thinking not only of the consequences, but making amends for what you've done."

Ginny. He tried hard not to think about her. Surviving from day to day had been so hard that nothing else made an impression. "How?"

"You are going to have to work that out for yourself."

"I guess so." Harry slid the pod into his shirt and lifted his pack. "Thanks."

"Don't make a habit of it." But Snape looked pleased by the thanks. He nodded and Harry knew he was dismissed.

*****

It was still early when he left Snape's office and he didn't want to go back to the silence of the common room. Maybe he could brave the library. If Malfoy were there they could share a table.

Unfortunately, Malfoy wasn't in sight. Harry chose the least crowded table. As soon as he sat down, all of the other students got up, leaving him alone. Usually they just left several spaces between him and whoever else was there.

He sighed and caught Madam Pince's cold look.

"It gets old, doesn't it?" Malfoy said, sitting down across from him. There wasn't much sympathy in his voice, but his eyes said he understood.

"No one gets up when you sit down." Harry kept his voice down, not wanting to incur Madam Pince's wrath. She'd ban him in a minute.

"No one who ever mattered to me." Malfoy sounded bitter, and Harry supposed he had a right to be.

Even though he should let it go, there was something about Malfoy that pushed his buttons the wrong way. "Do you regret testifying?"

"No. It helped keep me and my mother out of Azkaban. My father's sentence is not what it could have been," Malfoy said. "I might not like you or agree with you, but I do appreciate what you did for us."

"Your mother saved my life." And maybe it hadn't had that much to do with Harry and everything to do with Draco, but she'd still lied to Voldemort when Harry had needed her to.

"I don't regret what she did, but I do regret what it cost me." Draco glanced across the room again.

Harry followed his eyes to a table of seventh year Slytherins, and more specifically to Pansy Parkinson. She sat with her back to them. "She and her friends won't have as easy a time of it when they leave school."

"Our world isn't like it was, no. But they are still the cream of pureblood society." Which was true as far as it went, but their society was changing.

Pansy and her lot were in for some unpleasant surprises when they got out of school.

"Their families have a lot less power than they once had. Most of their families have paid heavy fines," Harry said. It wasn't enough to pauper any of them -- their families' investments were too diversified -- but it had sent a message.

"Mine did, too. The Malfoy name isn't what it was, but I'll see that changed as soon as I can do something about it." Malfoy looked back at the table, and then away.

"What can you do?" Harry asked.

"I can do my best to be a model wizard, contribute to the right causes, and support the right candidates." Malfoy sighed. "I can read law and work towards changing the old ways of thinking."

That Malfoy had the whole thing thought out wasn't much of a surprise, but given the anti-pureblood climate, it might not be as easy as he hoped. "Maybe that will work for me, too," Harry said.

"You're going to read law?" Malfoy's expression was so incredulous that Harry wondered if he should be insulted.

"No. But I mean, giving to the right charities, and such."

"I don't think it's going to help in your case, Potter." Malfoy's expression changed. "You ruined yourself." He held up a hand before Harry could speak. "No matter what the cause, you still did what you're accused of doing. And you made it all the worse by keeping it."

"Actually, Malfoy, you did this to yourself as well." That was the bottom line with both of them. Except that Malfoy had chosen to do what he'd done and Harry hadn't. Either way, they were both paying a high price for it now.

"I've never denied that. You might find it hard to believe, but I know I did the right thing." Malfoy should have sounded more superior and sure.

"I don't find it hard to believe. I'm trying to do the right thing too, in a situation not of my own making." Harry didn't want to sound like he was making excuses.

Malfoy's look softened a bit. "I know that, too. Now. But by not letting anyone know what happened to you until recently, many people believed the worst. You have to understand that some people aren't going to believe it, ever. You should have said something sooner."

"How was I supposed to know it would matter at all?" Harry ran a hand through his hair and then sighed. "They never let me forget."

"And they never will, either. You'd do well to just accept it and move on."

"I have. I live with it." Harry pointedly picked up his book and opened it. Maybe there was a chance he could do something about it.

Malfoy did the same. "So do I."

*****

Harry met Luna outside after their last class. It was still cold, but he didn't want them to be overheard. "Can we go down to the lake?"

Luna nodded. "I can cast a charm that will keep the Nargles away."

"And hopefully people won't be able to hear what we're saying, either." He wasn't quite as advanced in his spells as he should be. But he was pretty sure he could cast a Silencing Spell well enough by now.

She transfigured a leaf into a thick blanket and charmed it to hover a couple of inches off the ground. They both sat on it. "I'm surprised that you agreed."

"I didn't want to, but I thought I should set the record straight." After talking to Snape, it'd occurred to him that maybe no one would know the truth unless he told it.

The story in the _Profit_ was filled with half-truths and conjectures. And the only reason that anyone at Hogwarts knew the truth was that Ron and Hermione, and possibly some of the teachers were telling people about it.

"A good idea, always. What happened to you?" She pulled out a pad of parchment and a quill. "It's self-inking so you can start anytime."

"I was cursed --"

"Do you know by whom?" asked Luna, not seeming at all surprised to hear about the curse.

Harry had assumed it was public knowledge, but simply not believed by anyone. No one seemed to care that it wasn't his fault. "I think it probably happened in August when I went to Diagon Alley to get my books. Ron and Hermione and I were attacked by a couple of rogue Death Eaters."

She nodded. "I remember reading about that. Can you tell me about the curse?"

Harry tried to explain. Even now, it was hard to remember exactly what it felt like. He thought about asking Snape to let him see the memory, but that might be...too much. It was probably better to forget.

"So, you didn't know you were cursed. That seems hard to believe." She smiled a little. "Well, I believe it, of course, but I think other people might say it was hard to believe."

"I know. I just thought --" Harry shook his head. "It was like I couldn't concentrate, more than it was actual pain."

"And the reason for --" She nodded towards his book bag.

"My magic wasn't working right. I cast the contraceptive charm, but..." He shrugged. "I doubt anyone will believe that."

"Why not? I believe it."

One of the things that Harry had always liked about Luna was her honesty. Even though her eyes were wide with it, he couldn't quite believe her on this one. "That's why you haven't spoken to me since before Yule."

Her face went red and she bit her lip. "I thought you didn't want to talk to me."

"What? Why would you think that?" He was the one no one had talked to for months.

"You haven't said anything to me since Yule either."

"But --" He thought back to the conversation. She had rejected him. He remembered it. "But you didn't want to speak to me. You kept looking at the pod."

"I was looking at it because I'd never seen one. Not because I was angry." She blinked at him.

"If you didn't have a problem with the pod, then why didn't you want to say anything to me?"

"Why didn't you speak to me?"

They were going around and around here. Maybe he shouldn't have jumped to a conclusion, but how was he supposed to know that someone actually was going to be fair about it?

She sighed softly. "I was sad to be staying at school and missing another Yule with my dad. He'd gone off to Bora Bora to track down a newly discovered horn-rimmed nerfherader and wasn't able to get home for the hols."

Oh, fuck. She'd spent last Yule in the dungeons at Malfoy Manor. "I thought it was because you thought I was ruined like everyone else does."

"If I thought that, then why would I be interviewing you now? Besides, I was born from a pod myself."

"What? Why?" Harry stammered. He'd never considered that anyone he knew might have been born that way.

Luna looked remarkably unperturbed. But actually, she always kind of looked like that. "My mother was ill during her pregnancy. She had to transfer me to a pod so that I could finish growing. She and my dad took turns holding me for the whole time."

Harry took a deep breath. This wasn't going at all like he'd expected. He'd thought he'd known better about a lot of things, but clearly not this one. "All right. So, why tell me now?"

"I thought, hoped, that you'd be willing to talk to me again." She blinked up at him, her silvery grey eyes huge.

And Harry felt bad for doubting her. "I'm sorry. I just thought --"

"It's all right. I was angry that you had stopped talking to me."

"I shouldn't have." He put a hand on her arm. "Do you think this is going to help me?"

"I hope so. It's not fair that everyone has misjudged you because you were cursed. I'll make sure that my father prints this in the next issue."

"Thanks."

*****

"Hermione," Harry called. "I wanted to talk to you...about things."

She waited silently, which gave him a chance to gather his thoughts.

He nodded towards the classroom. "We could go --"

"I have class in a while. I was hoping to study before it." She didn't sound unwilling, so much as stressed by something.

"Is something wrong?" Harry asked.

"No. Really. I just want to make sure I'm going to do well in my classes." She smiled. "Thanks, though."

He blinked. Damn. "I guess I haven't been a very good friend lately, have I?"

"You've been distracted." She nodded towards the pod.

It was true, but that didn't seem like a good excuse anymore. "I wanted to ask you about...Ginny."

Something in her look became guarded. "What did you want to know?"

Harry took a deep breath. "I want to talk to her. I need to apologize."

"Don't you think it might be a bit late for that? It's been months."

"I would have done it sooner, like I did with you, but I didn't think she'd talk to me." Harry breathed out. "Come on, she's turned around and walked in the other direction every time she sees me."

"You could have tried harder. She's been ready to talk to you for a while, especially after she talked to Ron, but more so after you explained everything in the interview with Luna." Hermione folded her arms over her chest.

It had only been a few weeks since then. "I guess I've been a bit wrapped up in everything else. How was I supposed to know Ginny decided that she could talk to me now? No one said anything." Again. He wanted to shout he couldn't read minds, and he couldn't believe that people expected him to.

"After everything she's heard from Ron and read about the curse, she does understand." Hermione met his eyes. "And really, Ginny isn't the only one you should be talking to."

"Who else?" Harry asked.

"How many girls did you sleep with during those months? How do you think they feel right now?" She sounded angry. And maybe she was right.

They all blurred together. "I...um...don't remember all of them. And the ones I do remember probably still won't talk to me. I doubt the interview helped that much."

"I'm not sure I agree. And you wouldn't let Ron say anything. It would have helped a lot sooner." Hermione folded her arms over her chest and gave him that look that said he should have listened to her the first time.

Harry looked down. She was right. He'd been so annoyed by everyone's attitude, that he'd lost sight of the fact that they might not have acted that way if they'd known the truth. Or that he might have hurt someone other than Ginny or Hermione. "I should have listened sooner. I did give the interview."

"You should have said something long before the interview. You haven't spoken to anyone for months. You certainly didn't have to be so belligerent."

Maybe he didn't. On the other hand... "No one would talk to me. They leave when I sit down. That's not belligerence on my part, that's people deciding they know a situation and reacting accordingly."

His anger seemed to surprise her. "Why did you suddenly decide to give an interview to _The Quibbler_?"

"Snape said --"

"Snape? Why would you discuss this with him?" She clearly couldn't believe he'd talk to Snape about anything. And if he thought too hard about the Snape of the past, he agreed with her.

But the Snape of his lessons was almost a different person. "He's been tutoring me in Defense these last couple of months."

"Surely you've caught up by now."

"I've passed the class, but the extra lessons have been...good." Harry shrugged. "He suggested that I might want to set the record straight. That he thought it would help. And I think it has."

Hermione nodded. "He was right. But I'm still surprised you actually had a conversation with him."

"He's been pretty good in the lessons. Not at all like he was during the Occlumency lessons. Or in class. I've learned a lot from him, one on one." Harry was pretty sure that if he didn't pass anything else, he'd get top marks on his N.E.W.T. in Defense.

"I have to say that I find that hard to picture."

"Snape's okay." More and more, Harry was seeing that Snape made a lot of sense.

*****

Harry wasn't exactly nervous as he knocked on Snape's office door. It wasn't the first time he'd come down here to talk Snape. But it was the first time without a good reason. Or at least, a school-related reason.

"Potter? What do you want?" Snape's tone was just this side of annoyed.

Harry fought the urge to wince. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all. But in for a penny... and all that rot. Snape stepped back and allowed Harry to come into his office.

He waved Harry to the battered leather sofa, and then sat in his desk chair, waiting for Harry to start.

Harry cleared his throat. "I...uh...had this conversation with Hermione today."

"Why would I care about your conversation with Miss Granger?" Snape's expression was harsh, more so than usual. Harry wondered if he was having a bad day. But this was Snape, and weren't all of his days bad?

"You were the one who said it was time that I make amends," Harry pointed out, leaning a little bit further into the sofa.

"As it happens, I was not thinking of Miss Granger. She's already forgiven you." Snape let out a sigh. "As I'm sure you're aware, there are other people who have not."

"I knew that. About Hermione. I didn't apologize to her again. I talked to her about Ginny." He couldn't quite hide his mixed feelings.

Snape's expression softened. "And what great revelation did Miss Granger share with you?"

The more he thought about it, the more logical what Hermione said seemed. It still didn't change the fact that someone should have mentioned Ginny wanted to talk to him again. "That I should have done something about it before now. That Ginny was ready to listen a while ago. And that I should probably talk to a few other people as well."

Snape snorted, clearly amused. "Ah, so the light finally dawns, but not without help."

"How was I supposed to know she or anyone else would even listen? She's the one who wouldn't stay in the same room with me. She and damned near everyone else."

"And you think this was unfair of her?" Snape gave him a pointed look. "Whatever the circumstances, you did get Miss Weasley pregnant."

That he was completely right made Harry feel even worse. "I didn't want to upset her." And really, he didn't want to be upset, either.

"Going this long without even an attempt to apologize might be even more upsetting to Miss Weasley."

Harry hadn't considered that. "I've been waiting for her --"

"To come to you? I think the time for that has long passed. You must go to her."

Snape might be right. Harry nodded. "I do want to make amends. I don't know what to say."

"You might start with telling her that you're sorry. And go on to explain what actually happened."

"I am sorry. I wish it hadn't happened."

"Hence the reason that you explain the circumstances. She may forgive you. Although in your stupidity, you let the entire situation go on far longer than it should have."

"By the time I realized anything, I was so far gone that I just couldn't think anymore. Someone should have said something or done something to help me. Rather than just letting it go all the time." Every time he thought about it, he got infuriated all over again. Why hadn't anyone even thought to help him?

"You're right, of course." And Snape sounded more sincere than Harry ever expected to hear him sound.

He looked up sharply, shocked. "What? You just agreed with me."

"It was bound to happen at least once in seven and a half years. I'm sure it won't happen again anytime soon."

Harry laughed. More surprisingly, Snape's lips twitched, too.

"Was there something else?" Snape now sounded impatient. As if after having been nice to Harry, he had to follow it up with something else.

"Thanks," Harry said, meaning it. "You were right about setting the record straight."

"So, it has helped you regain your celebrity?" Snape must have been trying hard. But it was clear his heart wasn't in it.

"Hardly. But people don't move when I sit down at their table in the library anymore."

"So, there's progress."

"Yes. And thanks."

"I had nothing to do with it. Nor do I want to hear about it again."

"Of course not." And Harry looked down to hide his smile.

*****

"Ginny," Harry called as she came into the common room a few days later. It was late and he'd waited up for her. "Can I talk to you?"

"Harry." Her voice was as cold as ice. "What?"

"How are you doing?" he asked attentively, hoping that was a good opening. At least the room was empty. Everyone else had gone up to bed.

She stood stiffly, her arms crossed over her chest. "I'm okay."

"I...uh, wanted to apologize to you. I know there was no excuse for what happened. But I wouldn't have let this happen if I could have avoided it." He glanced quickly at her, hoping her expression would soften, and was disappointed when it didn't.

"Ron said that you weren't to blame. I read what you said in _The Quibbler_, that your magic failed because of the curse." She sounded like she might actually believe that. That was a relief, even if she still looked like she wanted to walk away.

"I'm so sorry. I wish that there had been some way to know. But...." Harry looked down. All the what-ifs in the world wouldn't change what had happened.

"I'm trying to understand that. I want to understand."

"And I should have apologized sooner, too. Maybe if I'd done something sooner, or said something, things wouldn't have got so bad."

"But you didn't. I was really hurt that you slept with all those other girls."

Ginny had broken up with him a month before he'd found out she was pregnant. He hadn't cared that much at the time. Now, he tried hard not to think about it or how profoundly his life had changed. "I'm sorry about that, too. It was part of it. I wouldn't have done all that otherwise."

"You're lucky you didn't get anyone else pregnant."

"Very lucky," Harry said weakly. He was barely surviving as it was. The thought of anyone else being hurt by him, or of his having to deal with a second pod was enough to send a shard of terror into Harry's gut.

So help him, he was never going to touch another witch again. Maybe it was time to go with blokes -- at least they didn't get pregnant. Bloody hell! Where had that come from? Except...except that the idea held a lot of merit. More than he'd previously admitted to himself. But he wasn't about to be going with anyone for a long time to come.

Ginny made a sad sound and it startled him back to the present. She glanced down at his billowing shirt. Her eyes closed and when she opened them, they had a bright sheen. "I wish it could have been us. But now is too soon."

She was only seventeen. It was unfair to expect her to cope with this. But he wasn't that much older. He didn't understand how she could just walk away.

"Are you sure that it's a good idea to keep it? You have your whole life ahead of you." She sounded sad, but not regretful. "You're so young."

Too young to be a father, that was for sure. However, that was what he was going to be. "Her. What else could I do? She's my daughter." And Ginny's too. But she didn't seem to want to acknowledge that. In a weird way, it hurt him that she didn't. He didn't understand it.

"It's just going to be very hard for you."

"I'm sure it will." He knew that as hard as he thought it was going to be now, it was going to be a million times harder when the time actually came to raise his child.

"I know that you don't have to, and given everything, I don't have a right to ask, but...my parents?"

"If they want to acknowledge her, then they will be welcome in my daughter's life." Harry would never have thought to deny them. He wasn't sure how this could work, but if Molly and Arthur wanted to be grandparents, then Harry would be pleased to have them.

"Thanks. I know it will mean a lot to them," Ginny said.

"You would be welcome, too," Harry added.

Ginny went pale. "What? Why would you say that? Why would you think I'd want that?"

Harry blinked, surprised at her vehemence. "I just thought, maybe --"

"No. You can't possibly expect me to have anything to do with it." Her tone was harsh, appalled even.

"Her. And not now, maybe, but later. When you're older." He wanted to leave the option open for her, and she was throwing it back in his face.

Indeed, she was backing away, shaking her head. "Don't expect me to do anything for it. I'm not part of this."

"I don't understand." Harry didn't understand this reaction, especially given what she'd asked about her parents.

Ginny looked at him sharply. "I want no part of it. Or of you, if you're going to keep it." She turned and walked away.

Harry was left wondering what the hell just happened. Whatever it was, it felt final.

*****

"Millicent," Harry called with no small amount of trepidation. "Can I see you for a second? Alone."

"You see me just fine, Potter." She looked both ways, and then jerked her head towards a corridor off the main path to the Great Hall.

They walked for a few minutes until they were alone. "Okay, what do you want?"

"I just wanted..." He made the mistake of looking at her and then froze.

Her expression was not at all inviting. "What?"

Harry took a deep breath. "I just wanted to, you know, apologize --"

Before he could finish, she punched him in the eye. Hard enough that he was knocked off balance. His hands clutched the pod, but he didn't go down. "Fuck, what did you do that for?"

"You deserved it. You're an arse." She folded her arms over her ample chest and scowled angrily at him.

"I won't even argue with that. But why hit me now, when I'm apologizing?" Harry put a hand on his eye. He could feel it starting to swell.

"You should have apologized months ago," Millicent spat at him, with anger, real anger in her tone.

Harry laughed bitterly. "As if you would have even talked to me before the article came out last week."

"You never even tried, so you don't know how I would have reacted." Her breath hitched a bit. "And it wasn't just once."

That he remembered vaguely. Millicent had been more than willing. "I'm sorry."

"I thought you liked me." She looked appalled by what she'd just admitted.

"I do like you." Harry swallowed and held up a hand before she could hit him again. "I do. I also appreciate that you and the others came back to fight with us last year."

Her expression didn't soften at all. "That's not what I mean. You came to me. I didn't understand why."

"I know. All I can say is that I'm sorry. And I really am."

"Sure you are, Potter."

"No. I am. Really. I wish this had never happened."

She looked right at him. "So do I." And then she walked away and didn't look back.

*****

This was becoming a habit, Harry thought as he knocked on Snape's office door. Why was he here? It was late and he should probably just go back to the tower.

Except...except Ginny was up in the tower. And before he faced her again, he needed some answers. Maybe Snape could tell him. Maybe Snape would hex him for bothering him this late.

"Potter?" Snape said with a deep note of irritation in his voice. He was wearing a long, black dressing gown and slippers. "Ten points from Gryffindor for being out after curfew. What do you want?"

Harry sighed. This was such a bad idea. What had he been thinking? Snape wasn't going to help him. "Sorry. I shouldn't have come." He started to turn around.

Something in Snape's expression or his stance changed slightly. Harry wasn't entirely sure that he wasn't imagining it, but it seemed that now he was facing the Snape from his lessons, rather than the Snape from the classroom.

Swallowing hard, Harry hesitated.

"You've already lost the points. You might as well come in." Snape opened the door so that Harry could come into the office. "If you bother me after hours, it had better be worth it. What happened to your eye?"

Did Snape just explain why he took points? Harry couldn't quite believe that. "Millicent hit me."

"What did you do to her?" Snape's tone had altered slightly. He was her Head Of House, and still protective of all the Slytherins.

"Nothing. I just apologized and then she hit me." He was so not going into that with Snape.

"Good for her. You get off far too easily."

This was easy? Harry took a breath and then a second. "That wasn't what I wanted to talk to you about. I had this...weird conversation with Ginny."

Snape waved him to the battered sofa, and Harry sank into it. He took out the pod and held it. It was almost getting too big to sit with it comfortably in his shirt.

"Your conversation with Miss Weasley?" Snape prompted when Harry had spent too long gathering his thoughts.

"She doesn't want any part of her child." Harry ran a hand over the smooth surface.

Snape's look was incredulous. "And you thought that she would?" It was clear that Snape knew Ginny wasn't going to want any involvement with Harry or their daughter.

"I thought maybe when she got older, she might...you know...feel like she missed something?" Harry was hurt and surprised by the outright rejection.

"You're thinking like a Muggle. She has given up all rights to the child. I can guarantee she will not change her mind."

Harry just couldn't accept that. "How can she just walk away? This is her child, too."

"Because that is what happens in _this_ society. No witch is ever forced to bear a child she does not want."

That was all well and good, but.... "I don't understand why she won't want to know her in the future."

"Once she walks away, she's been taught not to look back."

"But how could she not have feelings for her own child?" That was the thing that Harry didn't understand. He could see her not wanting to raise the baby, but not caring at all? That didn't make sense to him.

"You're attributing Muggle beliefs to a witch. She will only bear children she wants."

"I understand that part. But...but how can she not feel anything for her?"

"Again, it is a Muggle belief that all mothers feel a connection to their children. Many Muggle boys simply walk away, and really, there is no reason that a girl couldn't do the same, if she could only distance herself from the pregnancy, as witches can do. Magical children must be wanted. If a witch is forced to bear an unwanted child, the child will not survive, or if by some chance it's born, it will have severe mental problems." Snape looked at him. "Did you never wonder why you are as well-adjusted as you are?"

"I'm well-adjusted?" That was news to Harry.

Snape smirked at him. "Relatively well-adjusted, given everything. By all rights, you should be as mad as the Dark Lord was. That you are not is an indication of how much your parents loved you before your Muggle relatives got their claws into you."

Even as something warm crept into his chest, Harry knew this was not a subject he wanted to go near. Not now, not ever. "So, I still don't get why she doesn't want to have anything to do with her. Later, I mean."

"Once she gives up the child, there is no going back. It's done." Snape's tone made it final.

But Harry couldn't get there from where he was, and what he understood about mothers and children. "That seems so cruel. I mean, what if she wants to...see the child. I would be willing --"

"It's not done that way. She won't want to. Indeed, she probably thought you were trying to get out of dealing with the pod."

"I've made it plain how I feel. You'd think that I wouldn't allow her to be adopted would have told Ginny that." Harry stroked his hand over the smooth surface. She was his.

"She may know it intellectually, but I'm sure she was worried about it when you talked about her having anything to do with the child."

"Well, her parents want to see the baby. She asked whether they could."

"In most cases, the grandparents respect the daughter's decision. Trust Molly Weasley not to do that." Snape said it as if it were a bad thing. As if he was sneering at Molly for caring.

It annoyed Harry no end. "She's my daughter's grandmother. Why wouldn't she care?"

"It's not how things are done here. Most don't even try to see the child."

Harry shook his head. "Why not? Don't magical people care about their children and grandchildren?"

"That's just it. It's not _their_ child or grandchild. They accept that. That is how it works in this world." Snape was starting to sound exasperated, as if Harry was deliberately misunderstanding what he was saying.

"It makes no sense to me." Harry couldn't quite fathom why things would work this way. "Doesn't Ginny care at all?"

"It's not about caring. It's about responsibility, and the responsibility is not hers."

"I know that. But...I mean..." Harry trailed off. He could see by the look on Snape's face he was not getting through. How could Snape not understand?

"This is how she was raised. She's given the child up. It's _done_ as far as she concerned, and she's accepted that. You must as well."

"You keep saying that. That I just have to accept that it's done this way. Are all of the Weasleys going to act as if she doesn't exist?" Harry wasn't sure he could bear that kind of ostracism from them.

"Don't be an idiot. If Molly and Arthur accept her, the rest of the family will as well. But it's up to you to allow that. And even if you don't accept them as her family, they will accept the child as yours."

"But I want Ron to be her uncle."

"That will come from the way you and Molly handle this."

"I've already told Ginny that Molly and Arthur were welcome to acknowledge her. I want them to." It was going to mean a lot to Harry.

"Then I don't think it's going to be a problem." Snape folded his arms over his chest and waited.

Harry thought it was time to get off this subject. He sighed and stood up. "I should probably go back to my dorm. Thanks."

"Do not make a habit of this. I am not here to offer you advice. You have your own Head Of House to go to."

It was a little late for that and Harry bit back a smile. "Right. Sorry. I wasn't going to ask you what I should do with my life." Harry paused and looked speculatively at Snape. "But now that you mentioned it, do you have any suggestions?"

Snape looked like he was trying hard not to smile. "I'd advise you to finish school."

That was all well and good, but he needed a bit more. "Beyond that perhaps?"

"Didn't you want to be an Auror?"

"That is pretty much out of the question now, isn't it?" Harry looked at him, and clearly Snape didn't understand what Harry meant. "I can't be away from her for days at a time. She's going to need me."

"You could hire a nanny. Or ask Molly to take her when you're at work."

For some reason, the thought of that was abhorrent to Harry. He wanted to take care of his daughter himself. Not pay someone to do it. "I don't think that would work very well."

"Unless you're independently wealthy, you're going to have to do something."

"Actually, I am pretty well off."

Snape looked annoyed at that. Surely he knew it. "You will still want to have a job."

"Eventually." He picked up the pod and put it into his shirt. "Thanks."

"Have Madam Pomfrey fix your eye. It's a distasteful sight." Snape gave him a hard look. "And don't come back."

Harry made sure that Snape didn't see him smile.

*****

Harry came into the common room after dinner two nights later, and collapsed into one of the comfortable chairs. He let out a huge sigh.

"All right, mate?" Ron asked, closing his book. No one else was about, for which Harry was grateful.

"Yeah. I'm just tired." He pulled the pod out of his shirt. It was getting pretty big now. He held it on his lap.

"Someone else clock you?"

It would have been funny, if it weren't so sad. "Not yet. But God...there are so many who could." Or maybe even should.

"Are you trying to apologize to all of them?" Ron shook his head. "It's probably not necessary anymore."

Harry let out another sigh and stroked his hand over the smooth surface of the pod. It gave him a pleasant jolt to feel her move. "I think it is necessary. I pretty much used all those girls. And for nothing, I mean, if it helped more, maybe that could be an excuse."

"I don't get how you thought it would. How could you even think that?" Ron shuddered, obviously thinking about whatever he'd seen in Snape's Pensieve.

"I wasn't thinking. But...it kind of helped for a minute or two. Maybe as long as it lasted. I think that's why I kept doing it."

"How many?"

"Too many. It's all kind of blurred, especially towards the end. I can remember the ones that were more than once. Like Millicent."

"Merlin, that was a surprise." Ron didn't seem that horrified, though.

"She was pretty sweet. And she really knew what she was doing. But..." Harry closed his eyes. "I think she really liked me. She thought I liked her..."

"As in _liked_ her?"

Harry nodded. "Because I went back, apparently several times. But it was more that she was willing. And good at it."

Ron nodded. "She's lucky that she didn't get pregnant."

"Yeah. I think she cast the spell on me, rather than me doing it." He could vaguely recall her doing it and him telling her that she didn't need to. But he was grateful that she'd done it. "I'm pretty sure that several of the girls used it."

"I would hope so. Probably most of them did. I'm surprised that Ginny didn't --"

"I'm sure that I told her that I'd used the spell."

"You don't sound that sure."

Harry looked down. "I don't remember. It was at the beginning, I think."

"Oh," Ron said. And then cleared his throat. "I'd guess that you're not going to remember much from that time."

"You're being very forgiving about this."

"I know what you were going through. No, that's not right. I saw what it did to you, and mate, I'm glad you survived it."

"Thanks," Harry said. "Millicent wasn't the only one who thought I really liked her."

"Who?"

"Sedonia Macintyre."

"She's a fifth year! And a Hufflepuff."

"I know. And she cried when I apologized just now."

"Mate, that just blows."

What could he say to that? "Yeah. I think I'll go upstairs now."

*****

"Concentrate, Mr. Potter," Snape shouted, waving his wand.

Harry flew backward and hit the wall. "Fuck --"

"Ten points. And I think I've had enough for today. Your concentration is appalling. You're worse than a first year." Snape gave him another annoyed look. "And no, I don't want to hear about whatever is bothering you."

Of course he didn't. Harry climbed to his feet and dusted off his trousers. "Maybe I wasn't going to tell you," he snarled.

"Then perhaps you should leave, before I take more points." There was something other than annoyance in Snape's expression. "Get out."

Harry's anger fled. "It's just so hard, you know."

With a long sigh, Snape leaned against his desk, folding his arms over his chest. "What else in your life is so hard today?"

Harry slumped into the seat he usually took when they met. "Every time I try to apologize, I seem to make things worse."

"You've hurt more people than you realized, haven't you?"

"I just didn't expect them to care."

"Most people believe that when you initiate a sexual act with them, you have some feelings for them."

"But I'd barely talked to most of them before I...yeah." Harry felt his face heat up. "I mean --"

"I know exactly what you mean, Mr. Potter. Please spare me the melodrama."

"I don't know how to make it better with anyone, it seems. Maybe I shouldn't say anything else." He didn't actually think that was the answer, but he was damned if he knew what he should be doing. An apology should work.

"It's common knowledge you're trying to make amends. There will be some who will not be happy to be left out."

"Yeah, so they can clock me one, too."

Snape chuckled. "I hadn't heard that anyone other than Miss Bulstrode had done that."

"Parkinson tried to hex me."

"As well you deserved for even trying to speak to her. I'm utterly appalled that you lowered yourself to have sex with her at all."

"Why her more than the others?"

"Have you forgotten that she tried to sell you to Voldemort less than a year ago?"

Actually, so many things had happened since then, he _had_ forgotten about it. "God, what was I thinking?"

"I think we have established that you weren't thinking at all." Snape held up his hand. "I do not want to hear about how it wasn't your fault again."

"Fine. I wasn't going to say it, anyway." Even if it were true.

"Of course you weren't." Snape's mouth didn't even twitch.

Now was a good time to get out while the getting was good.

*****  
Part 5

Harry took the long way around to the entrance of the castle. The weather was warm for early May. It was hard to believe it had been a year since he'd defeated Voldemort. He'd thought his life would change after that, but he couldn't have anticipated how. A noise caught his attention as he was passing one of the rarely used courtyards. A group of students were shouting. They looked mostly like Slytherins.

He should just keep walking, Harry thought as he turned into the courtyard and made his way into the group. At the center, Theo Nott held a struggling Malfoy's arms behind his back.

Pansy Parkinson held her wand in front of Malfoy's face, slowly moving it back and forth, leaving a faint trail of blood as she went. "Blood Traitor," She hissed. "How does it feel to know you're going to die."

"You're not stupid enough to kill me," Malfoy panted. And then spit in her face.

Not the brightest thing to do when someone was holding a wand to your face. Pansy slashed down hard, opening a cut in Malfoy's cheek that bled freely.

He cried out and struggled against Nott. "You stupid bitch!"

Keller Flint, a huge sixth year Beater for Slytherin, hit Malfoy in the face. There was a squishy sound and Malfoy's nose spurted blood.

"Eww, Malfoy! You're so disgusting!" someone in the crowd shouted. And several people laughed.

"Stop this right now!" Harry shouted. "What are you doing?" He couldn't believe they were all standing there, watching Pansy torture Malfoy. "What kind of cowards are you?"

"Shut it, Potty," Flint said. "You're as disgusting as he is." Flint's laugh was low and coarse. "We'll start on you next, if you don't get out of here."

"Yeah? Try me." Harry pulled his wand. He might not be able to take all of them, but he could make a dent.

Flint flew at him with a snarl on his face.

"_Stupefy_!" Harry shouted and Flint went down, but one of the other boys slammed into him from the other side. His hands went to the pod, trying to protect it as he hit the ground hard with the other boy on top of him.

Letting go of Malfoy, who slumped to the ground with a groan, Nott kicked Harry in the side. And then raised his leg to do it again.

Terror washed over Harry as Nott's boot impacted the pod. Along with his horror, Harry's rage intensified. He cast a Stunner without his wand, catching Nott and the other two boys in the spell without a thought.

Sitting up, his hands shaking, he gently took the pod out of his shirt; it was dripping something from the inside. Instinctively, he cradled the broken pod close to his chest. Gritting his teeth, he stood up. His whole body pulsed with fury.

What kind of people did this? They didn't deserve to live. He was going to kill them all. How could anyone do this to his baby? Panic flared brightly inside him.

Silence had descended on the crowd. Around him, everyone took a step back. He hadn't been this angry ever. Those stupid bastards had tried to kill his child. He wasn't going to let them get away with it.

No. No. He couldn't kill anyone. He had to get to Madam Pomfrey. Harry tried to rein back his fury, but he was having trouble controlling it. His magic felt like it might explode.

"Potter," Snape's voice penetrated his anger. "Concentrate, Potter. Concentrate. Do not lose control. Stop now."

"What?" Harry looked up to see Snape standing beside him. A flood or relief washed through him. "I have to get her to Madam Pomfrey."

Snape nodded and pulled his wand. He cast a Patronus Charm and sent the silver doe running towards the infirmary. "_Accio_ Snape's broom." Snape held out his hand and it came to him.

He pulled Harry onto the broom, in front of him. "This will be faster than trying to race there. Hold on to her." A couple of seconds later, Snape brought them through the infirmary window.

Madam Pomfrey rushed over to them and took the pod from Harry. "Oh dear, she's going to be born now, I'm afraid."

Harry breath caught in his lungs and for a moment, he could not breathe at all. "No, she can't be. It's a month or more too early."

"Nothing to be done about it, the pod has been damaged." She looked at him, her expression angry, accusing.

"Someone kicked her! Why didn't the protections hold?" Harry couldn't believe this. He'd worked so hard to make sure she was safe.

"The protections were magical. I _told_ you that something physical could hurt the pod. What were you thinking?"

"Clearly, he wasn't thinking at all," Snape said, and he sounded like it was a personal affront to him.

"Malfoy was getting carved up by Pansy Parkinson, and no one was doing anything. Did you want me to let him die?" As much as Malfoy annoyed him, he couldn't have just walked by. "Someone should go get him, too."

"You could have gone for a teacher. You could have thought before you waded in." Snape actually believed that, didn't he?

"Let's not argue about this now," Madam Pomfrey said, putting the pod on a table and waving her wand over it. Slowly the pod casing disappeared, and there was his daughter: naked and tiny and red.

She had to be too small to survive.

Madam Pomfrey ran her wand over her. "Five pounds, three ounces. Her lungs are clear. She's a wee bit small, but healthy nonetheless."

She started to cry. Madam Pomfrey wiped her off, and pulled out a nappy. Harry realized he'd be doing that next, and tried to pay attention.

When she was done, Madam Pomfrey looked expectantly at Harry. "You can pick her up."

Panic flared inside him. He'd drop her. He was sure of it. "She's too small."

Smiling, Madam Pomfrey picked her up. "This is how you hold her."

Snape seemed to be watching them with a rapt look on his face. Harry never would have thought of him as the type who cared about babies at all.

Taking a deep breath, Harry tried to mimic Madam Pomfrey's movements, but the baby felt too fragile in his hands. "Bloody hell, I wasn't expecting her to be so small."

"They grow up. Quite fast. You're doing fine." Madam Pomfrey smiled at him.

He kissed her forehead and held her a little closer. She was so beautiful. He smiled down at her. She was his daughter.

Before he could decide what he should be doing next, a bleeding and bruised Malfoy limped in. An ugly gash marred one cheek, both of his eyes were black from the broken nose, but clearly he'd not been hurt half as bad as Harry had thought.

"That her?" Malfoy asked as he came over to Harry.

"Who else would it be?"

Malfoy gave him an annoyed looked. "Is she supposed to be that small?"

"Yes," Madam Pomfrey said. "Let's get you cleaned up."

Snape looked at Harry. "May I?"

Harry's first inclination was not to let anyone touch her. But that was silly. He held her out, and Snape took her. "As children go, this one isn't as ugly as they usually are at birth."

Harry wondered how he knew that. But thought it wise to just let it pass.

*****

Harry spent the rest of the afternoon and early evening in the infirmary with his daughter. He fed her dinner, and she fell asleep soon after. "What are we going to do now?" he asked her softly.

"That's a very good question, Mr. Potter." He looked up to see McGonagall and Madam Pomfrey striding across the room towards him. "We have quite a situation, don't we?" McGonagall asked, but she was smiling.

"I don't understand."

"You have a month more of school. In that time, you need to study for and take your N.E.W.T.S. You also now have a baby that will require your total and undivided attention for the foreseeable future." McGonagall's tone was tart, but her lips twitched as she looked down at the baby sleeping in his arms.

Harry had no idea what he was going to do. He'd only talked about the future that one time with Snape and that hadn't been much of a conversation. "I guess I'll have to leave school."

"That is a poor idea. You'll need your N.E.W.T.S. to pursue a profession of some sort," McGonagall said. "And where will you take your daughter?"

"I was thinking of Grimmauld Place. At least for the moment." As much as he hated the thought of her in that dark place, it would give him a base of operations for the moment. It wasn't as if he had a lot of choices.

"Surely there must be other options," Madam Pomfrey said, coming into the room.

"Mr. Potter could give her up for adoption." But McGonagall didn't sound like she believed he'd do that.

Good thing too, since that was the last option he'd take. Harry cuddled her closer. "No. Do I have any other options here?"

"You'll have to move out of the dormitory. You can't ask your dorm mates to study with a newborn in the room." McGonagall folded her arms over her chest and clearly was trying to look stern. But Harry could tell already that she wasn't going to kick him out of school.

"Okay. Can we stay in one of the guest rooms on the first floor?" Harry asked as the baby woke for a moment. Before she could fuss, he rocked her gently and she went back to sleep.

McGonagall smiled at them. "I believe that can be arranged."

"If I have to spend all of my time taking care of her, how can I study?" Harry was ready to leave school. His daughter needed him and that was more important than his exams.

"Perhaps Miss Granger and Mr. Malfoy would be willing to help you study in the evenings while you care for the baby. What did you decide to name her?" McGonagall asked.

Harry wondered if they would be willing. Hermione probably would, but Malfoy? On the other hand, he'd saved Malfoy's life. So, maybe he would, too. "I named her Jane Lily Potter. After both my parents."

McGonagall smiled at that. "You'll have to set up a schedule with Miss Granger and Mr. Malfoy."

"Can I take Janie to class with me?"

"No," Both McGonagall and Madam Pomfrey said at the same time.

"I wonder if Molly would be willing to sit with her during the day?" Harry asked.

McGonagall smiled. "I think she'd like that. As you know, this last year has been hard for her. I'll ask her if you'd like."

"I'll also be available to help out," Madam Pomfrey said, also smiling.

"Thank you." Harry wasn't sure he wanted to leave her alone that long, even with Molly and Madam Pomfrey, but couldn't see any other way around it. He'd rather take her to class with him. "Oh, what happened with Pansy and Nott, and Flint?"

"I was wondering if you'd ask about them. They were all arrested on charges of attempted murder. I've expelled them. They won't be allowed back to school." She sniffed. "They were told when I allowed them to come back this year that all they would have to do is violate one rule and they'd be gone. This was something quite a bit more than that."

"Do you think they'll stand trial?"

"I don't know. If they were anyone else, they would. But Miss Parkinson is saying it was a prank." Clearly McGonagall didn't buy that for a moment.

Yeah, Harry supposed that Parkinson would try to wiggle out of it any way she could. "What does Malfoy say?"

"That they were trying to murder him because of his actions after the war."

"I think they should get a fair trial and then maybe they'd all think twice about doing something like that again." But Harry was just glad they were all gone. It would make things easier for Malfoy, and for him, too.

*****  
Epilogue

Severus looked up at the knock on his office door. "Come."

Harry sidled in, his daughter in a sling against his chest. While he hadn't been allowed to take her to class with him, he'd taken her everywhere else in the last month. "Today is the last day of classes --"

"I couldn't fail to notice that. Did you have a point, beyond stating the obvious?" Severus kept an edge in his voice, but he was glad that Harry had come down to say good-bye.

"You didn't let me finish. As usual." There was no bite to Harry's words; indeed he looked like trying not to smile.

Severus was also trying not to smile. "As usual, you haven't come to the point. I've told you many times before that I do not care to have my time wasted." Although he'd never tell Harry, he had been surprised at how well he'd risen to the challenge he'd been dealt over the last several months.

"I came to thank you." Harry's eyes were clear and bright. Sincerity was written all over his face.

Severus tried to bury the surge of pleasure that came with knowing Harry appreciated his efforts. Not that he would have continued if Harry hadn't worked so hard at it. "For what exactly?"

"For everything. For teaching me all term when you didn't have to. For your good advice. For your patience -- such as it was --"

"You know, it's quite rude to put caveats on thanks." But even with the qualification, it was clear that Harry was grateful.

"I suppose it is." Harry smiled at him. "I do mean it. I wouldn't have made it through this past term without your help."

"Well, you wouldn't have passed, anyway."

"Right. And so, I just wanted to come by and thank you."

Because he was more curious than he had a right to be, Severus asked, "What are your plans now? Or do you have any?" It would be just like the twit to not know what he was doing.

"I'm going to travel. I need to get away from the Wizarding world for a while."

Now that was a surprise. He couldn't believe that, after everything, Harry could be so selfish. "And the child? Whom are you going to leave her with?"

For one moment, Harry looked stupidly at him, as if he didn't quite understand the question. Then, he shook his head. "I'm taking her with me." Harry patted her back gently. "She's quite portable, for the moment anyway."

That was more like it. But trust Harry to do the unpredictable, yet again. "I suspect that won't work out as well as you think."

"Oh, it will be okay." Harry pulled a book out of his robe and held it up. _The First Magical Year of Life_. "I think this will help."

"Foolish Gryffindor." Severus let his smile escape as he said it.

"Yeah, that would be me." Harry laughed and then took a step closer. His expression sobered. "I was wondering if when I get back, you might like to have dinner with me."

Severus was literally dumbstruck. In anyone else, he could have passed that off as a simple invitation to dinner. However, there was nothing simple or easy when it came to Harry Potter. "I still have no intention of discussing your mother with you."

Harry shrugged. "I didn't expect you to change your mind about that. But...it might be nice. It's not why I asked, though."

It was on the tip of Severus' tongue to ask, but he was sure he didn't want to know the answer. Not that the answer wasn't fairly clear in Harry's eyes. That would change with time, too. So, Severus would be better served to ignore it.

He cleared his throat. "Harry, I've been trying to let the past go. And talking about it will do neither of us any good. And that's all I'm going to say about it."

"I understand that." Maybe he did. He'd grown up a lot in the last few months. "But I'd like to have dinner with you nonetheless."

"I'll take it under consideration," Severus said, wondering if the invitation would haunt his nights as much as he feared it might. He shrugged. No matter. The time was not now.

"It's only dinner. And pretty far into the future." Harry's insouciant tone belied the seriousness in his eyes. He looked right at Severus, as if he were telling him something, but it was something that Severus didn't want to see right now. Maybe if it were still there when Harry returned.

"Then perhaps we should wait until then to discuss it further." Because, really, Severus didn't want to think about it. "Where are you going first?"

"I'm thinking of Egypt. Bill and Fleur said we could stay with them. And I've always wanted to see the pyramids." Harry sounded excited. "I'll be back at Yule for a few days. Molly and Arthur have invited us."

"Then you will be back sooner than a few years." And Severus was not going to think about that. He'd be at Hogwarts, far away from the spectacle of the Weasley Christmas. Even if he were invited again this year, he would not be going.

"Well, not for long. Just few days, maybe a week." Harry's stare got harder.

Severus did not want to think about that, either. "Have you worked out your issues with Miss Weasley?"

Harry expression changed, and he looked sad as he let out a long slow sigh. "I still don't understand her attitude, but I won't bring it up again. I hope she changes her mind about accepting Janie, someday."

"That's probably wise, to let the issue drop. But I wouldn't hold out much hope that she'll change her mind."

"I should get going." He held out his hand.

Severus moved around the desk to take it and was surprised when Harry moved in closer, putting one hand on the baby between them and the other onto Severus' cheek. He leaned up and pressed his mouth to Severus'.

For one second, Severus forgot how to breathe. It had literally been years since anyone had kissed him. It only lasted a count or two, but the sweetness of that kiss nearly laid him out.

"What was that, Mr. Potter?" Severus was appalled that his voice cracked.

"I shouldn't have to explain what that was. But since you asked, it's a down payment on the future."

"What?" Severus choked.

"I can't talk about it now. But later, when we have dinner. We'll talk about it." Harry was already backing towards the door, his hand stroking Janie's back.

There was nothing left for Severus to say, and so he inclined his head and raised his hand. "Goodbye, Mr. Potter. Safe travels."

"Goodbye for now, Professor." Potter took another step back and inclined his head as well. "And thank you for everything."

\--finis


End file.
